Love in Opposition

20-Pain

Aspen's POV
As soon as I'm inside my apartment I fall apart. I crumple to the ground and sob so hard my throat becomes raw. I don't know what to do, my life has revolved around him for the last three months, the longest, happiest three months of my life. And the whole time he was lying about the biggest part of his life. The only thing I could think to do was call Harmony, so that's what I did. She was over in the blink of an eye, ice cream in hand. She moved me to the couch and grabbed a spoon for each of us. She wiped the tears from my cheeks and then opened the ice cream container. "So, tell me about him." I explained the story of how we met, how I immediately fell in love with him, and how it ended.

"So let me get this straight, he's in the mafia but he's crying and begging you to stay?" "Yeah." "He's so in love with you, he loves you more than his reputation." I quirked an eyebrow at her as she spoke. "I dated this guy once in high school. Football player, wrestler, jacked, very hot. People were intimidated by him, he was so confident. He hardly laughed or smiled, and he definitely never cried. His athletics were everything to him, literally. I sat him down once and told him I felt like things weren't working out because he didn't have enough time for me and I didn't want to get in the way of his dreams. He quit the wrestling team and stopped staying late at football, he even told coach he couldn't make it to practice a few times because he was busy with me. He sacrificed everything to be with me, and when I eventually actually broke things off when I moved to college, he was broken. He cried for days after begging me to stay. He was the person that made me realize that I could be loved, and I really loved him too. He loved me so much he was willing to risk the reputation he'd spent years building to be with me. That's how Reid loves you, enough to look weak even though he is seen as strong to everyone around him."

I let the thought simmer for a second. "Maybe that's not enough. Maybe the fact that he's a murder overrides his love for me." "You told me he killed to get revenge for his father, revenge is a lot different than murder." "I think I just need time, to process what it really means. To think about the fact that being with him, loving him, is dangerous and I could end up in the middle of something I don't want to be a part of." "You know what I think? I think you're scared. But not of him or what could happen with him, scared of what could happen to him. And how your heart would be destroyed if something did happen to the man that you're in love with."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reid's POV
The first month crept by, agonizing and heart-shattering. The second month was worse, the fact that she never called always a thought in my head and something I hated more than anything. The third month made me realize that we'd been together only two months, but it was the best time of my life. The fourth month we caught the guy that shot my dad and killed him, but I wasn't as happy as I would've been if she was there. Month five was chaotic, running from the cops a few too many times but always getting away. It's month six and I'm finally going numb. I'll never forget her, I can't, but it doesn't hurt. Actually it does hurt, but it's hurt for so long that I'm used to it now. I wake up every morning and wish I didn't, and wish she was laying next to me. I roll out of bed and put on my suit then go downstairs to get Vera ready for school, kindergarten now that she's turned 5.

I walk into the room and flip on her light. I crouch down next to her bed and rub her shoulder lightly to wake her up. "Morning Princess." "Morning Reid." She yawns and sits up, her hair sticking out in every direction. "Come on, let's get dressed." She nods and then climbs out of bed, walking towards her closet. I grab an outfit that's hanging on a hanger and she nods then I help her get dressed. After that I take her to the bathroom to do her hair. I sit her on the counter and she kicks her feet. "Can I ask a question?" "Sure, what's up?" "What happened to Aspen? Did she go to heaven like mommy?" She said the words and it felt like a kick to the stomach. "No she didn't go to heaven. We just aren't dating anymore." "But I thought you loved her?" "I did, I still do." " Well then why don't you date her?" "I guess she didn't love me." I avoided Vera's gaze, knowing that looking would cause the tears welling in my eyes to fall. "Yes she did, she told me so. Don't tell her I told you, she made me promise to keep it secret." "I don't know Vera, things just didn't work out. Now, let's go to school." I placed her back on the floor, helped her with her shoes, and then drove her to school.

I got home and realized that maybe I'm not as numb as I thought, maybe I was just so used to the pain without anyone else knowing. So used to suffering alone and nobody else realizing. My brothers have never been astute observers and my dad has never seemed to care enough to notice when any of us are going through anything, so I didn't expect anyone to realize that it hurt when she left. But of course Vera did, she always knows how I feel.