Reunited (appledash)

I Can't Lose You - Chapter 21

WARNING: MENTIONS OF DEATH, DEPRESSION AND ALCOHOL ABUSE

Let the angst commence. . .

"AJ. . .I. . .I need you to know something. . .about me. . ." Dash directs her eyes straight at me. ". . .something I should've told you sooner. . ." She continues.

I freeze and gulp down a growing lump of anxiety from her words of mystery.

"What? You're scarin' me. . ."

Dash reaches over to her bedside table and grabs the box of pills. She stares at them for a minute before chucking them over to me, landing in my lap. I pick up the box and read what's written on the front, 'Zoloft 100mg' in bold blue letters.

I immediately know what she's trying to tell me.

"A couple years ago, not long after we stopped talking, I was having a really hard time coming to terms with everything. Everything that happened with us was hard, obviously, but also. . .my. . .my dad died."

I look up at the girl with an expression presenting a mixture of shock, sympathy and overwhelming distraught on my face.

"Wha-- Dash. . ." I shuffle closer to her, once again taking her hand and squeezing it tightly in solace. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't think I'd need to! I thought I could. . .I dunno." She sighs, looking away from me.

"But I'm here to help you through these things, sugar. Besides, I know better than anyone how hard it is when your folks cross over. You don't have to keep nothin' from me, you know that, don't you?"

Dash nods, somewhat reluctantly. "I just don't want you to feel like I'm putting too much on you. . .you know, emotionally."

"Trust me, you're not."

Rainbow lets out a small smile before she continues. "I tried to keep it together back then, I really did. . .but I just fucking couldn't." Her smile suddenly drops, thinking deeply about every word she says. "Sunset had just moved in so I'd go out and drink with her a lot, sometimes Pinkie would come too, sometimes it'd be at the Colt parties, but mostly I'd just drink by myself." She speaks slowly, as if she's trying to set a scene. "Every night, I would just sit in my room, turn my speaker up super fucking loud, and drink a entire bottle of Jack. It was the only way I could cope with everything. . .well that's what it felt like." Dash adjusts her position once again, sitting up even more and crossing her legs, readying herself to dive deeper into her past, knowing that I want answers of some kind without even having to ask me. "Twi used to hang with us all the time before she went off on her study program thing, and she pulled me aside one day, when things became really bad."

"Twilight? What did she say?"

"She basically said that she's seriously worried about me, and wants me to go and see someone about my drinking. I ignored her, but she kept persisting. This went on for a few months until she tricked me into taking me to a doctor herself. That's when I got diagnosed. . .with depression."

Unlike her drinking problems, this was all new information to me and I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming guilt. I know her dad passed away and all, but having to deal with the grief of that as well as the loss she told me she felt when I left. . .that must have been so hard for her.

She continues, I listen intensely, "The doctor made me take Zoloft for a while but I stopped taking them after like a year or so 'cause they weren't great for my training and kept on making me feel dizzy and. . .you know, whatever. Just over a month ago I put myself back on them. . .Fuck, I shouldn't've said anything I don't wanna stress you out, I-I should've just--"