Escape || Cole Walter

Thirty Four

I take another leap, I land it. Of course I land it. I don't miss. But every time I land, it is a relief. Knowing I have one less to do. Knowing that I am good enough to complete that one jump before going for my others.

Independent dances have always been my favorite. For some reason, they are when I go all out. I think it's because when other people are around, I get nervous they will truly see me.

It used to be not such a big deal to me. But that was when I had nothing to hide. And deep down, I am scared of what I've grown to be.

Working through those emotions has been the hardest thing in the last couple months. I'm finally beginning to be confident about it.

Dance has always attracted me and made me expose myself in ways I didn't know were possible. There is always something new, always some way to push yourself.

Exiting the independent room, my attention is guided to the familiar face of my dance teacher, Abbi.

She is leaning against the wall, right outside the heavy wooden door of the practice room. She wears a proud smile as her deep eyes meet mine. "Hi Abbi." I greet her, almost walking past. I hadnt even known she was coming in today. I thought it was just me and a couple others doing independent practices while getting ready for the spring recital.

This one is a huge deal because there will be interviewers for the summer intensive there. I didnt get a massive part, but Im hoping to at least be able to show off a little of my New York Dance Academy skills.

"You looked amazing in there." Abbi says from behind me. I halt, and turn around slowly. My heartbeat picks up before I even register what she has said in full. Now I meet her deep gaze that is altered completely now.

She pushes off the wall, her smile becoming fuller.
"You were watching?" I ask, unsure of myself.

She nods, clearly not understanding how much I didnt want her to see me. "Youre a very talented dancer every day, but I havent ever seen you like that before." She admits.

"Well, I dont like it when people see me like that, so maybe thats why." I sass without even thinking. Her smile drops, quick to understand my pained face. "Im sorry," I immediately apologize. "Ever since last year I havent allowed anyone to see me dance like that."

"Why not?" She crosses her arms in front of her chest, trying to get me to open up a little. I shrug, pretending not to know, when I really do know; when its been eating at me for months. If Abbi really put the pieces together of things Im sure shes heard rumored about me, she could easily find out. Getting ready to turn around again, done with this conversation, she opens her mouth again.

"I can understand not wanting to fully expose that vulnerable side of you. But when it comes to dance, its one of the most important things," She pauses, taking a deep breath. From the way she talks about ballet, you can easily tell it is her one true love. "You have to find a way to convey your messages. Your story. Other wise, youre just like every other dancer. There is nothing to set you out. There has to be a complete flow of energy. From head to toe, escaping through your feet and allowing you to float. You are gifted. One of the most talented people I have trained, which takes so so much for me to say. But if you arent giving the dance your all-your emotion, and passion, and trauma, if you arent letting that energy flow throughout your whole beina- like you did just then, then theres no way you will be able to continue on this path my dear." She splurges on and on, causing tears to form at my eyes.

My instructor describes the exact way I feel when I dance. The way you should feel when you dance. There will always be good dancers. Ones who can pick up a routine, ones who are flexible, ones who can do more spins, but what sets excellent dancers apart from the others is their emotions.