𝔇𝔢𝔣𝔦𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢 (𝔏𝔢𝔳𝔦 𝔵 ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯)

XCIV - What He Wants

"Thank you for allowing me to experience that once more."

***

Everything made sense now.

The armour Levi built so thickly, the walls he shrouded himself in, the little emotion he allowed himself to show.

Everything made so much sense now, and it makes everything all the more fucking heartbreaking. Levi, who had tried so hard to keep all of his comrades alive, who lost more than I can ever think to lose, cares for me with his life, has been through so much himself.

The least I could do for him is stay. Stay by his side no matter how difficult the things life throws at us.

I couldn't sleep well that night. I said goodnight to Levi an hour after I had arrived to give him his birthday gift, but I couldn't shake the words that came from his mouth from my mind. An overwhelming guilt that ate at me for something I couldn't do anything about, and it made my head spin. How he managed to get out of such situations was something I don't think I could thank the universe for enough, but it just barely escaping that would surely rid you of your sanity, little by little.

Dawn came faster than I could process, my hand mindlessly stroking the fur of Sarj's soft golden fur. He was getting big, now taking up a decent portion of the bed, though he made sure to not leave any space between my leg and his back. The ceiling remained very much the same, a blank canvas for me to draw on in my head, but it all turned back to the the sight of the fire, the feeling of Levi's lips on my hand as he told me his past, the feeling of hatred and remorse stinging my eyes in the form of tears.

Shoving the thoughts away, I sigh and roll out of bed only causing Sarj to further sprawl over the bed in a sightless attempt to find me, only to open his eyes and lift his head up. His ears flopped around innocently as he set me in his sights and proceeded to lay back down with a whine while he stretched. I roll my eyes at him.

"Such a difficult life, hm?" I murmur, walking to the dresser and getting some clothes out for a shower. Levi had two more 'wishes' for his day, and I intend to make it all happen.

***

It was a sad day outside. The rain grew a little heavier overnight and the temperature dropped drastically. I had Levi's scarf in hand from the time we ran from the shop I got the crystal flowers to Headquarters, having washed it since he lent it to me. Heading to the mess hall, I fold up the scarf and fix myself a cup of tea before seating myself at a table.

The hall was empty, rather bizarre considering the squad usually woke up not long after dawn. But it was peaceful regardless, it wasn't often the hall was empty, allowing someone to enjoy their food or drinks without distraction. I could hear the rain outside, beating on the windows making it echo through the building. If it were an option, I'd have rain gracing the lands every night as a lullaby.

"You're up early!" Hange beams as she strolls into the hall. I shrug, keeping my gaze on the window, watching raindrops race each other to the bottom.

"Body clock." I reply neutrally taking a sip of my tea.

"Ah, right. You ready for todays training?" She asked, fixing herself a glass of water and walking to seat herself across from me. I look at her with a small smile, shaking my head, her response only being eyebrows raised in surprise.

"It's Levi's birthday, Erwin let he and I take the day off just to do something nice for him." I say quietly, knowing he could show up at any time. Her face lit up, clearly getting fidgety in her seat.

"He's a Christmas baby?!" She whisper shouted at me, and I was surprised by her self-control. I shrug with a smile, placing my tea down on the table before looking at her.