{}
Techno: Trouble at 2 o'clock!
Wilbur: *looks down at their watch*
Wilbur: Now, how do you know that?
{}
Techno: DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY? IT WASNT. NOBODY IS LAUGHING.
Techno: *pulls up a graph* THIS IS WHEN YOU TOLD YOUR JOKE, YOU HAVE SONGLE HANDEDLY RUINED COMEDY! IVE ALSO ASKED MANY COMEDY SCHOLARS ON THEIR OPINION OF YOUR JOKE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY!
Wilbur: I've been researching comedy for the past 20 years, and I have genuinely never seen a joke this bad. We have used quantum physics to look into alternate universes to see every joke made, and yours was still by far the worst.
Techno: CONGRATULATIONS! YOUVE SINGLE HANDEDLY CREATED THE WORST JOKE IN HUMAN HISTORY! HERES A MEDAL! *pulls up a horrible ms paint drawn star that says "you need help*
{}
Wilbur: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.
Techno: Being a fish.
Wilbur: Well, shit.
{}
Techno: I hate you.
Wilbur: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.
{}
Wilbur: You know what's funny about Techno? They're my best friend, and anyone who'd hurt them is someone I'd murder, probably.
{}
Wilbur: *lying down and crying*
Techno: There, there. Why don't you take some time off to not be around me while you're like this?
{}
Wilbur: Remember, if you die in the simulation-
Techno: Yeah, yeah, I know, if you die in the simulation you die in real life.
Wilbur: What? No! You need to reset the simulation with the terminal! What is WRONG with you?!
{}
Wilbur: But seriously, what is the real plan here that has to do with not fucking around?
Techno: There is no plan that does not involve fucking around. But we will make sure all of our fucking around will be applied in a constructive direction.
{}
Techno: Yeah, I don't like people.
Wilbur: Oh, well now that's not fair Techno. Have you met all of them?
Techno: I've met enough of them. People. What a bunch of bastards!
{}
Wilbur: Can I ask a dumb question?
Techno: Better than anyone I know.
{}
Wilbur: I can't tell if you're a genius or just incredibly arrogant.
Techno: Well, on a good day, I'm both.
{}
Wilbur: You use humor to deflect your trauma.
Techno: Awww, thanks-
Wilbur: That's not a good thing.
Techno: All I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny.
{}
Techno: Why shouldn't you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water?
Wilbur: Because your toast would get soggy!
{}
Techno: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!
Techno: WILBUR IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!
Techno: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !
{}
Techno: *casually taking four stairs at a time*
Wilbur, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-
{}
Techno: I know one person who finds me funny!
Wilbur: Okay, who?... and you can't say yourself!
Techno: Okay then I'm out.
{}
Wilbur: We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventurers.
Techno: That sounds like a challenge.
Wilbur: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.
Techno: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!
Wilbur: There is no challenge!
{}
Wilbur, looking over Techno's shoulder: You can draw?
Techno, stopping what they were doing: You can speak?
{}
Wilbur: I know this isn't going to end well and I don't care. So don't you try and stop me, Techno!
Techno: I wasn't stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.
{}
Wilbur: That was a joke. Say ha.
Techno: Ha.
Wilbur: Now do it again.
Techno: Ha.
Wilbur: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.
{}
Wilbur: Can I have some water?
Techno: *starts chugging their water bottle*
Techno: *chokes from drinking too fast*
Techno: *spills water all over themself*
Techno, coughing: I don't have any water.
{}
Techno, trying to comfort Wilbur: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.
{}
Wilbur: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking.
Techno, patting them on the back: Well, don't think too hard. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.
{}
Wilbur: Aren't you going to say "have a nice day?"
Techno: I don't care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.
{}
Techno: There's no "I" in team, but there is one in pizza.
Wilbur: So, you're not going to share?
Techno: I'm not going to share.
{}
Wilbur: How the hell are you still alive?
Techno: Honestly, I'm just as confused as you are.
{}
Wilbur: Wow, did you hear that voice crack?
Techno: That wasn't a voice crack, that was a whole voice meth.
{}
Wilbur: Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation?
Techno: All the time.
Wilbur: Then you should be used to it by now.
{}
Wilbur: Wasn't icarly that guy that girlbossed too close to the sun because he was down for Apollo?
Techno: ICARUS?
{}
Wilbur: Techno, I want a bedtime story!
Techno: I'm busy, Wilbur. I'll tell you one tomorrow.
Wilbur: If you don't tell me a story, I won't go to bed!
Techno: Once upon a time, there was a person named Wilbur, who always wanted things their way. One day, their friends got sick of it and locked them in the basement for the rest of their life. Everyone else lived happily ever after. The end.
Wilbur: I don't like these stories with morals.
{}
Wilbur: *Turns on the kitchen light*
Techno: *Sitting at the table, eating bread*
Wilbur: It's four in the morning.
Techno: Turn the light back off.
{}
Techno: Wilbur, is that legal?
Wilbur: When there's no cops around, anything's legal!
{}
Techno: Its hard to resist, I'm really sorry- I mean, considering your approach so far, you had us tied here for- what? Hours? And you haven't even had us confirm what exactly we are!
Wilbur: What are you then?
Techno: I'm a Virgo!
{}
