-;-
Tommy, Entering Ranboo's room: Tubbo did it again.
Ranboo: Peace disturbance?
Tommy: What no-
Ranboo: Arson..?
Tommy: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
Ranboo: uh....Attempted murder?
Tommy: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-
-;-
Ranboo: Why is Tommy making me do the dishes again? You haven't washed them in a week, Tubbo!
Tubbo: It's because I'm Tommy's favorite.
Ranboo: I hate you.
-;-
Tommy: *pitches an idea*
Ranboo, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!
Tubbo, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.
-;-
Tommy, whispering to Tubbo, who's on the phone with Ranboo: Ask them something!
Tubbo: How are you feeling?
Ranboo: Fine.
Tommy: Something personal!
Tubbo: At what age did you first get your period?
-;-
Ranboo: I hope you all make it to adulthood!
Tommy: That's a great prayer.
Tubbo: A needed one.
Tommy: A needed one indeed.
-;-
Ranboo: Tubbo just insisted Tommy and I remember a code word in case we're ever confronted by their clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we're not sure which is the real them and which is the imposter.
Ranboo: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.
-;-
Tommy: You don't think I can fight because of my gender!
Ranboo: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Tubbo can fight in that dress either.
Tubbo: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.
-;-
Tommy: *gets a text* Oh! It's Tubbo.
Ranboo, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?
Tommy: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.
Ranboo: Wow! Where'd they find 12 gallons of fake blood?
Tommy: You wanted fake blood?
Ranboo:
Tommy: I'll go call Tubbo.
-;-
Tommy: There's beer in the cooler.
Ranboo: What about for the children?
Tommy: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer.
Tubbo: Why don't we just give the kids water?
Tommy, angrily: I suppose you could do that!
-;-
Tommy: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*
Ranboo: Hey, Tommy, how was your day?
Tommy: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Ranboo* Hell.
Tubbo, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?
-;-
Tommy: Would you rather kill Ranboo, or-
Tubbo: Yes, kill them.
Tommy: I didn't say the other thing-
Tubbo: I don't need to hear it.
Ranboo: ...I'm feeling a little unsafe.
-;-
Tubbo: Oh my Ranboo.
Tommy: Don't you mean 'oh my god'?
Tubbo: You worship your god, I'll worship mine.
-;-
Ranboo: Hey, do you know the password to Tommy's computer?
Tubbo: Fuck you, Ranboo.
Ranboo: Hey!!
Tubbo: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouRanboo".
Ranboo: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.
-;-
*The Squad is on a hike*
Tommy: It's beautiful out here.
Ranboo: And quiet.
Tommy: Too quiet.
Ranboo: Did we lose someone?
*cut to Tubbo with a bear in a headlock*
-;-
Tubbo: I have a bad feeling about this...
Tommy: What do you mean?
Tubbo: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Tommy: No?
Ranboo: That actually explains so much.
-;-
Tommy: What's the status up here?
Tubbo: Fucked up, about to die, Ranboo's a nerd. The usual.
-;-
Tommy, to Ranboo: If you see Tubbo, give them this message *makes a neutral face*
Tommy: They'll know what it means.
*later*
Ranboo: oh, and Tommy said to give you a message.
Ranboo: *makes a neutral face*
Tubbo: Oh no. The neutral face of displeasure.
-;-
Tommy: So... I've seen you've been spending a lot of time with Ranboo recently.
Tubbo: No, Tommy, it's not what it looks like, I swear.
Tommy: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?
Tubbo: No! You're the only one for me.
Tommy: Is that so?
Tubbo: I promise! Ranboo and I are just dating, okay? They're my partner.
Tommy: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?
Tubbo: You are still my one and only best friend! They're just the love of my life, nothing more!
Tommy: But I'm still the platonic love of your life, right?
Tubbo: Of course bro!
Tommy: Bro...
Ranboo: What the-
-;-
Ranboo: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?
Tubbo, turning to Tommy: How tall are you?
-;-
Ranboo: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.
Tommy: What's wrong with you??
Ranboo: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.
Tubbo: No, they mean other than that.
Ranboo: Ohhhhhh.
Ranboo: I haven't slept in 4 days.
-;-
Tommy: Why would anyone want to harm Tubbo?
Ranboo: Maybe because they met them?
-;-
Tommy: Tell Ranboo off, Tubbo! Assert yourself!
Tubbo: That's my ice cream!
Tommy: Good! Now let them have it!!
Tubbo, handing Ranboo the ice cream: Here, you can have it!
-;-
Ranboo, about Tubbo: Can I tell them they look nice?
Tommy: Sure.
Ranboo: Can I tell them I respect them?
Tommy: Maybe, if they ask.
Ranboo: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?
Tommy: ...
Tommy: I'd save that for later.
-;-
Tommy: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...
Ranboo: I just wanna fucking marry Tubbo!!
-;-
Ranboo: Fun Fact! The average person will walk by 36 murderers in their lifetime.
Tommy: I like how this is a "fun" fact.
Tubbo: It's fun because they didn't decide to murder you.
-;-
Tubbo: wow you and Tommy are home early from the movies. What happened?
Ranboo: We got kicked out because Tommy wouldn't stop yelling diving scores as people jumped off the titanic.
Tommy: That last guy had a solid 8, I'm telling you!
-;-
*Tommy, Ranboo, and Tubbo are playing poker. Tubbo is winning by a long shot.*
Tommy: Aw, come on.
Ranboo: It's not fair! They don't even know what we're playing!
Tubbo: Go Fish?
-;-
Tommy: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Ranboo: Screw that, I'm not kissing any of you.
*Tubbo walks in*
Ranboo: Fine, I'll do it. Rules are rules you know.
-;-
Ranboo: Tubbo! What did I tell you about lying?
Tubbo, looking down: ...That it only works on Tommy.
-;-
Ranboo: I didn't drink that much last night.
Tommy: You were flirting with Tubbo.
Ranboo: So what? They're my partner.
Tommy: You asked if they were single.
Tommy: And then you cried when they said they weren't.
-;-
Tommy: HEY HEY HEY! DON'T TOUCH THOSE!
Ranboo, touching a figurine: Why? What's wrong with touching a doll?
Tommy: THAT IS NOT A DOLL! This is a figurine, thank you very much.
Tubbo, from afar: IT'S JUST A STIFF DOLL!
Ranboo: FIGURINE MY ASS! IT'S JUST A STIFF DOLL- as Tubbo said!
Tommy: I hate all of you. That is a limited edition figurine I got from a conventio-
Ranboo: *Drops figurine on the ground*
Tommy: -n. It was $100; all my money just went down the fucking drain.
-;-
Tubbo, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I'd like to thank Ranboo, the love of my life, for telling me Tommy was going to win so don't bother to prepare a speech.
-;-
