Invisible string (lestappen)

Chapter 20 : Charles

I told Alex everything.

Two days after the kiss with Max happened, I told her. I thought about whether I should do it for hours. Feeling confused, guilty but most importantly, disappointed in myself. I ended up concluding that she deserved my honesty. I broke her trust. The least I could do was to own up to my mistake. So that's what I did.  I told her, right as we were eating dinner. We cooked an amazing chicken roast. It was one of my favorite meals since I was a kid. Was being the key word. Now every time I'll look at it, I'll just remember this moment.

She was hurt. I've never seen her like that before. Her softness and gentleness were completely gone. But I deserved it. Her anger, her sadness, and whatever else she felt like throwing at me. I was ready to take it all.

She asked me every detail of how it happened. I explained everything. Telling her how sorry I felt. How I never thought he would kiss me. Which is the truth. I genuinely didn't. Nothing could've prepared me for that.

She got a bit calmer as the dinner went by. We finished eating in silence. It was probably the most awkward moment of our relationship. I didn't know how to act and I wanted to throw up. But I stayed. Because if I felt like this when I'm the one who fucked up, I can't imagine how she must've felt. 

After finishing her plate, she simply got up, took her bag, and left. Without a word. I blinked several times. Trying to figure out what just happened. Was she breaking up with me ? I expected her to, honestly. That's probably what I would've done if I was her. But somehow, it didn't feel like it. She just...left.

She didn't come home for two days. Didn't reply to any of my texts or calls. Nothing. So I concluded she did break up with me. That it was over. That I ruined our relationship. Until I heard the ring on my door. I opened it and there she was. A soft smile on her lips like nothing happened. That was the last thing I expected after our conversation. But I let her in. Thinking she probably came back to properly put an end to it, which I appreciated.

She didn't.

No, she simply made her way to the living room and sat. I took the seat next to her not really knowing what to say. Was she still angry ? I tried to analyze her behavior to find clues. She seemed relaxed. And definitely not angry. Just...determined ?

'I'm just going to ask you one question Charles', she started.

I nodded. Ready to reply to whatever question she still had.

'Did the kiss mean something to you ?'

My eyes widened. I wasn't expecting that question. I didn't even know myself. Did it mean something ? I'd just been thinking about it nonstop since it happened. About how his lips felt on mine. With the perfect mix of softness and determination. About the way his strong hands were touching me, like they were scared I was going to run away at any second. So needy it made my heart jump. About his damn ocean eyes, making me want to go for a dive to dissect every shade and every little detail that makes them so annoyingly perfect.

But other than that, no ?

I took a long breath.

'No'

She stared at me for a few seconds. Probably to judge the sincerity of my answer. I hoped she wasn't a good mind-reader, because I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't being fully honest.

I shook my head.

However I felt about kissing him. It didn't matter since he was drunk anyway. He didn't even text me after. Probably completely unaware of what he did while I was out here, left a complete mess over it. It was unfair. But it was going to be fine. It didn't mean anything because it would never have happened in normal circumstances. So what was the point in digging further into it ? It would do more harm than good.