Broken, Flawed & Living (Discontinued)

Chapter Sixteen

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" he asked. "This isn't for everyone and I never thought you as the type of guy to use this."

"What else do I have?" I asked. "I can't keep going back to Oliver with the same bullshit like I'm going through a midlife crisis. I can't go to my parents... and Tori just isn't enough anymore..."

His eyes reflected how broken my patience was, how the little shards were the very thing keeping me together. Keeping my sanity and calmness intact. "You have Thomas... he's there for you." They now reflected the light of hope I had, another being comparable to my sister. After all, he was her true twin.

A whole story untouched by his ears made the simple gesture of looking in my guy's eyes difficult every time. "And yet I still can't bring myself to tell him. I don't know how. I just need..." I breathed. "A relaxant. College is stressful enough with midterms being over and exams starting – I just came from the library because I needed a book for one of my Psychology classes. My father thought it was a good fucking idea adding Shane to our father-son Saturdays... I couldn't tell him how uncomfortable I was. I couldn't go back so I lied straight to his face yet again."

For the past couple of weeks back in November, stress had been burning the walls of not just my patience, but my anger. It'd been burning it down for quite some time and nothing out there eased the pain. Yeah, not even Thomas or Tori or Chris could. Migraines for two days. Headaches the next. Strained muscles clenching. Where else could I turn?

"Now he goes with Shane without knowing the real reason I quit going. And my friends... their pissing me off because I can't just have a single minute alone with my guy. We haven't even gone on our first real date yet so I don't know when that's happening or if I'm stressing for no god damn reason," I added. He seemed to contemplate all my stress thrown his way. "With every day practices for Football now... you're the only person I got right now..."

I vented a lot of my stress and anger out to him and the first time I saw him use it, I knew he had something to help me cope with my anger. Just back in October he and I met. Now here we were and how our relationship formed a bond.

An uncomfortable shift wafted through him and his lips stuttered. "... Didn't Thomas hate when Leone did this? Why would you risk that?"

Was it a risk if he knew nothing of it? "He hated how Kayla forced him to do it. Thomas knows the pros far outweigh the cons and even if he hated it... then... then I don't fucking care because I need it," I said. No damn risk here. Nothing the doctors would prescribe me would work; they failed all before. "It's not like he's ever going to know. So, come on, don't give me shitty lectures. Do this for me, Andrew..."

A slow breath at first, he met my eyes again. "... Okay. Whatever you need, man. I'm here for you."

So ever since my first puff... all the gutter my mind hoarded cleared. Things brightened through my vision, the outlook in mind more open, the flaws vacant. Then the second time around, peace felt more align with me and being relaxed never felt more satisfying than I've been around Thomas or my annoying friends.

The third time... this hit the spot. This worked. A relaxant and it sure did its fucking job. What was Andrew so worried about? I've been cleaning my clothes, ridden the smell for when I'd be around Thomas and the guys. Since the vigorous winter air came into play, masking the horrid scent came easy as if I was doing Archery.

A free mind, nothing on my nerves. My love for it had no words.

A whisper of a siren drew from the distance and I checked my rear-view mirror and spotted the patterned blue and red lights. Closer and closer the sound blared and reverberated through the car, assaulting my ears. Here came the damn headaches now.