Broken, Flawed & Living (Discontinued)

Chapter Thirteen

Saturday night. The night of the party.

Was I ready for my first party with friends and random stranger? A real Project X rave? Maybe not. Was I ready for all the kinds of things that would go down? Of course not. Was I even ready for the scares that no doubt awaited me? Not really. Though Tori assured me there weren't going to be, what did she really know? Besides the affection for Chris she held so dear to her heart she couldn't confess it to her best friend. Speaking of him, he might've added some scares here and there to liven up his bash, a first in three years according to him and Levy.

Anxious butterflies cluttered scorched my insides and the feel felt too awkward. I've stated I haven't been to a party like this, let alone a Halloween bash and I'd go in there fully blind. Sure, there were a lot of assumptions and preconceived notions that I learned from the internet, the media and Tori's own experiences with Jared and them. But with Chris as the host, it could've turned out different. Radically different as to change the current perspective on parties I had and maybe I'd go to one with Tori one of these days.

If I wanted a life of a twenty-something in debt. I'd think about it.

However, I always asked the same questions to myself, what if someone drugged my drink? What if I got molested, or worse, killed? In a fight somehow? What if...? And I always assured myself the fact of who my friends were; beastly Gods at the call of their own family.

Stop it, Thomas. Think straight, not negative. Don't cogitate things too much, like most things in my life. I paranoid myself and if I kept this up, shaking, jittering, and had to rest in Tori's arms like now, I'd never have a good time. I shouldn't have over exaggerated something Chris assured was safe and fun and awesome. I wanted a good time, a great time. Dancing like an idiot, getting drunk – though I might have the occasional light drinks – and feel like a fool like everyone else in there. I craved for that experience and yet I was being a paradox to myself.

I shouldn't even worry about my costume either, worrying about what others thought of it. As long as I liked it, that Tori liked it, I was fine. I was sure Chance would've liked it, too. It was based off a graphic novel character I read not too long ago. A grim reaper of sorts, manipulating the reality of one's own mind. It was a really good read and the name slipped my tongue a thousand times.

I breathed, composed myself from Tori's embrace and just laid straight on my back on the couch.

"I'll be with you all the time," she assured me. "Unless, you know... Chris wants to have sex or something than I'll gladly be gone for a few hours or so. Not long."

Don't kill me, Tori. "Oh, wow. That's comforting. Thanks."

"What? I mean... I honestly might do it – and the sex part, not yet. I have been thinking about what you said," she said. "Been saying, actually."

I sat upright and quirked a brow. "Really? Like, really, really?"

Her eyes avoided mine for quite some time now. They trained hard at the black screen of the family TV. She was well in deep thought about it and maybe something more, that much I read. "I've been struggling with it and you're right, I may never know what could be."

"And what about your fears? Your insecurities? You're so quick to judge and compare yourself to others and I keep telling you how damaging that is. Even when I've done it before."

She shrugged after a quick moment in silence. "I'll fight them off. I shouldn't be afraid of rejections or if I'm just not his ideal type of woman. I know I'm weird and crazy and he's comfortable around that but every time I look at the past girls he's had-"