And then he stopped. Shane leaned his forehead against mine, breathing heavily, our eyes still closed, and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Astra," he mumbled against my lips. "Please don't hurt yourself."
And all at once, his body fell l...
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C H A P T E R E I G H T Y - S I X
S h a n e ༶ ｡◕
I was in the hospital, pacing to and fro, running my hands through my hair. It was my fault, everything was my fault, and the urge to beat myself up had never been stronger than it was in this moment. My heart felt like it was failing, it felt like my organs were the ones shutting down and like I'd never learn how to breathe normally again.
I just needed her to be okay. I didn't care if she hated me or never spoke to me again, but as long as she was happy, I wouldn't care.
Footsteps running down the hallway. I turned my head to see my mother heading towards me along with Astra’s family. I ran to my mother.
As soon as she held me tightly, I completely lost it and started sobbing and crying and I couldn't even get a single word out about what happened. All I knew was this awful, searing pain ripping throughout my chest, more painful than anything I'd ever experienced.
“I’m sorry,” I cried to her grandmother. “It’s all my fault-”
“It’s not your fault, honey,” she smiled but her eyes only showed sadness and in that moment I hated myself even more than what should have ever been possible.
Mother sunk down to the floor, taking me with her. She held me as I cried and ran her hands over my hair and my face, providing comfort.
“It’s okay,” she said again and again, so many times that the words began to distort themselves into unfamiliar vowels and sounds that sounded strange.
I don't know. I don't know what to do.
I hate feeling so powerless. I absolutely despise it.
My mother shook my shoulder gently, murmuring something into my ear which I couldn’t decipher. I looked up.
I scrambled to my feet at the sight of the doctor standing there. Her face betrayed no emotion, eyes watching us all. Mother squeezed my hand from beside me.
“So?” I asked, my voice coming out much higher than expected. Eyesight still blurry, heart beating faster and faster. I ran my hands through my already dishevelled hair for the millionth time.
I had spent the last year being so selfish and so absorbed in myself and my problems, so intent on losing all this weight that I didn’t even stop to consider the possibility that I was pushing everyone away and hurting those around me. And now that I thought about it, I’ve done it.
They’re all gone.
Kyrie rarely talks to me anymore. Graham is always off doing his own thing. I couldn't even remember the last time I checked up on my mother. I haven't played with Natalia in ages.
And now, the only girl I've ever truly loved is on her deathbed and I let her slip through my fingers like grains of sand.
We drink the poison from our minds and wonder why we feel so sick.
Right here, right now, the only thing that mattered was making sure she’s okay. She was everything real in a world of make believe. Life has a funny way of testing how much you care about something.
It was so silent I could hear my heart beating. Blood roaring in my ears. The doctor looked up, eyes slowly moving to each of us as we all awaited the news. I pressed my nails into my fist, suppressing the awful feeling filling my stomach.
Please.
.
.
“She’s alive.”
I exhaled a sigh of relief, sinking to my knees with my head in my hands and thanking whatever force was out there that had made all of this possible. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The doctor took us to look at her about an hour or two later.
Astra was resting on a bed, eyes closed, hair spread around her neatly. She had an oxygen mask on with tubes leading from it.
She almost looked plastic.
Her chest rising and falling steadily was the only sign she was alive. More tubes were attached to her scarred arms.
I heard her aunt and grandma gasp from beside me. They were both staring at her arms in a sort of silent horror.
“Let her tell you in her own time,” I said quietly, voice low. I turned my head. They stared at me for a moment or two before nodding. I pretended I didn't see them grip each other shakily after I had turned away.
The doctor told us that she’d be in hospital for several days as they needed to carry out many tests to ensure her brain was still functioning and that no severe damage had been caused to any of her organs. She said some other stuff too but my eyes were glued to the girl sleeping in front of me and I was so, so glad she was alive.
“It was a miracle,” the doctors said. If she’d come even a few minutes later she wouldn’t have been able to be revived. She’d died. In my arms. My freaking arms.
The most incredible things about miracles, is that they happen.
*** I'm not that evil guys, don't worry.
Also I'm a sucker for happy endings. There's no way I'm going to create an entire character who feels like a part of me atp and just kill her?!
I've had the worst headache of my life today, I feel so sick. It's 4am and I can't sleep
but anyway, THANK YOU FOR 16K READS?!!!! LIKE BROOOO THAT'S INSANE AHH
