And then he stopped. Shane leaned his forehead against mine, breathing heavily, our eyes still closed, and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Astra," he mumbled against my lips. "Please don't hurt yourself."
And all at once, his body fell l...
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C H A P T E R F O R T Y - T H R E E
tw// school shooting and gun violence mentions, panic attacks, suicide detail
A s t r a *.✧
I waited outside the school gates, pulling my cardigan further over me despite the warming weather. The bell rang in the distance but I didn't really care about whether or not I was going to be late for school. I looked up at the skies, the moments of what had happened years ago flashing before my eyes.
Today is Mia's death anniversary. Today is – was, the day she shot herself to death using the same gun her brother used to shoot up this school and kill one kid, injuring four others. The anniversary for that was also today; 4 years for the shooting and 2 for Mia's. And something in me told me that the dates coinciding weren't just a coincidence.
I took a deep breath, trying to clear my mind and took out my phone. Leila should have arrived by now.
Me: heyy. where are you??
Leila 🙃: hey!! so yk all about how I've been coughing and sneezing non-stop? it sorta exploded into a whole blown bed-ridden illness so im taking the day off school today :) sorry for not telling u sooner!! :(
Me: it's fine <3
Great. So now I was running five minutes late to school, and the only friend I had wasn't here on the one day I needed someone the most. Fucking shit. My nails dug into my palms so hard that they left crescent imprints.
I turned around and started heading through the car park when I heard someone call my name. Dusty Meyers came running towards me, his bag half-hanging from his back and bouncing around with each step he took. I grimaced.
"Hey," he panted breathlessly. He doubled over, clutching his stomach as he tried to regain his breath. "I wanted to apologise for the whole car thing even though I promised-"
"It's fine, Dusty," I said quietly, hurrying towards the school building. "Shouldn't you be in class?"
He carried on, ignoring my question. Because nothing I ever have to say to anyone matters.
"I've made the leaflets and flyers for your student council campaign after you emailed me your slogan, behind our masks." He waved a bunch of flyers in his hand and one fluttered to the floor – he stopped it from flying away with his foot. "And yeah, so my brother took my car with his friends-"
I turned towards him, sucking in a sharp breath. "Dusty, with all due respect, I really don't give a shit. I knew you wouldn't come anyway and don't even try ever picking me up again. Leave me alone," I snapped. I’m sorry.
He didn't bother me again. I ran into Social Studies, having completely missed homeroom because of how late I was. The tears in my eyes made everything all blurred together until I wasn't sure I could make out my left from my right. My teacher didn't ask me why I was late, so I breathed in a sigh of relief at how I’d managed to sneak in undetected. I wish Shane was in this class. He made the time pass more bearably and he was sort of like free entertainment.
