And then he stopped. Shane leaned his forehead against mine, breathing heavily, our eyes still closed, and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Astra," he mumbled against my lips. "Please don't hurt yourself."
And all at once, his body fell l...
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C H A P T E R E I G H T Y - F O U R
A s t r a *.✧
I screamed just as I collided headfirst with the water. I held my breath, my eyes stinging as I only floated deeper and deeper. I shut them, but it was scarier with everything dark so I opened them again and splashed around.
I thrashed, trying to swim upwards but only sinking deeper, and deeper. My heels had fallen off by now, lost somewhere in the dark abyss underneath me and I was just desperately trying to move, to swim forward, to get to the surface. I could hear my heart thumping in my ears, panic rising and swallowing me whole.
I want to live.
I want to live.
I want to live for the summers with my best friends and the winters with the boy I love. I want to live to see my baby brother grow up. I want to live to see sunsets and sunrises and new notebooks and romcoms that make you laugh so hard you cry. I want to live for experiencing kindness from strangers who restore your faith in humanity. For making wishes to the moon and stars.
I want to live for myself. I want to study English Lit. I want to prove to myself that I can do it, that I did it. I want to build up my name and live up to my potential. I want to live every day like it's my last. I want to find happiness in the small things.
I want to live.
I thrashed about some more, my lungs feeling like they were about to give way. I gasped, and by doing so inhaled a large gulp of water. I tried shutting my mouth but spluttered, only taking in more water as I did so.
The water burned my throat. I could feel it in my lungs, burning and aching my whole body and making it so hard to breathe.
Pain ripped through my chest, a terrible fire that sliced everything inside me. Stars burst behind my vision as I struggled to swim.
Which way was up again?
Everything spun around me, faster and faster and faster. Something was grabbing my lungs and ripping them out.
I can't remember my name. I can't remember my name. What is my name?
A calm, tranquil feeling overcame me.
My arms slowly settled by my side. The burning faded.
I felt more at peace than I had for a long time.
Everybody's faces appeared and disappeared, almost like a fast slide show.
Mia appeared next to me too, floating down beside me. When did she get here? Did she fall in with me? She smiled, holding a hand out but as I reached out to take it, it disappeared.
Everyone appeared around me. I saw myself running across the beach with Shane. I saw Leila sharing her biryani with me. I saw myself laughing with Kyrie and Gray grudgingly singing me a happy birthday. All these people once non-existent to me who'd become huge parts of my life.
"It's okay," Mia told me. "You'll be okay." Her voice was distant, empty, but clear. So clear. Clearer than it had been in a long time.
So this is what dying feels like.
Everything hurts. I'm tired.
I stopped moving, slowly sinking further and further down. My arms and legs floated around me. My eyes slowly started to close.
I barely noticed the two figures appearing next to me as everyone else disappeared. One wrapped their arms around my waist, the other under my shoulders. They screamed something next to my ear but I couldn't comprehend it because I was so tired and my eyes were closing and everything was g o i n g.
And as I shut my eyes, the world turned black and it was just the darkness and me as I was
