And then he stopped. Shane leaned his forehead against mine, breathing heavily, our eyes still closed, and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Astra," he mumbled against my lips. "Please don't hurt yourself."
And all at once, his body fell l...
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C H A P T E R S E V E N T Y - O N E
a/n ^ idk if the song is related to this chapter but I listened to it while writing this in the car so...
S h a n e ༶ ｡◕
It hurts to look in a mirror. Because every time I do, I always hate myself that little bit more. But as of lately, hate isn't a strong enough word to describe the emotion that ripples through me every time I see a glimpse of myself in reflections or pictures.
I've tried looking in an online thesaurus.
Revolt. Loathe. Disgust.
But even these words can't describe the enormity of that awful feeling that cascades over me.
Sometimes, and I would never admit this aloud, but sometimes I look at myself and I hate what I see so much that I want to kill myself. Then I think that's silly, I have so much to live for and so much to do, but my emotions and mood feel so dampened that more often that not, the only thing that matters is how fat I am.
My mind is becoming this whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. All the days are blurring into each other.
I just wanted to be alone. Away from Astra and Kyrie and Graham. Away from this school. From my family.
Away from everyone.
"CIA have struck again," Kyrie mentioned. I looked up from the article I was reading about weight-loss foods, half comprehending the burst of colour and random words on the walls. I went back to reading my article.
"It looks pretty cool," Graham said, not looking away from his phone. His eyes were glued to his screen.
"Who are you even texting?"
Kyrie tried reaching out and grabbing his phone but Gray had faster reflexes - he quickly turned it off and stashed it into his pocket.
He scowled. "Nobody."
"Ahh, okay, so it's your secret girlfriend?" Kyrie clicked his tongue. "Makes sense."
"Shut up, Kyrie."
The two continued bickering even as we headed out from registration and approached the school bus that would be taking us to our field trip.
I was the first one on the bus.
"Heyyy girl! How you doing?!" I held out my fist for Mrs Smith to fist-bump, but for the second time in my life, she left me hanging.
"Sit down, Shane. And I saved a special seat for you at the front."
"How lovely," I muttered sarcastically as I slumped down into it. Kyrie walked past me, muttering something along the lines of how he needed to talk to someone so Gray sat next to me instead. Recently, even Kyrie was getting bored of me. I don't know what his problem was.
