My guardian angel, the prequel of The world elsewhere

Week forty-one : to April 29 to May 5

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Trigger Warning: Mental illness.

If you are going through this, please go see someone who don't stay in your misery.

It's okay to feel bad or alone but take care of your mental health, please.
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𝓗𝓮𝓷𝓻𝔂 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝔂𝓮𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝔀𝓸 𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓴𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓵𝓮𝓯𝓽 𝓪𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓸𝓷 𝓪𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓻𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻. 𝓗𝓮 𝓪𝓭𝓿𝓲𝓼𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭 𝓔𝓭𝓮𝓷'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓫𝓸𝓸𝓴. 𝓘'𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓻𝔂.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓐𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓵 29

- Let's go... let's go... come on ! I encourage myself.

Um, hello, my name is Eden and I just celebrated my eleventh birthday. Mom gave me this notebook because she thinks I need to confide. I think it's for girls but maybe it can be interesting. I have a friend named Jessica Jensen. Yes, her name reminds me of James Bond but I don't know why.

You may not know me. I am about thirteen years old. But I have to tell you right now, I'm not who I am. Well, here I go, I like men but my mother would be too ashamed so I would go out/ date with a girl.

I'm finally sixteen ! I'm dating a girl named Emily. I see her as a very good friend but Tonight is weird but I think I have to say everything because tomorrow I might not go here. I'm Eden Diallo, I come from a very conservative Korean-American family. I took on my father's features.

I wrote very little in this notebook because firstly, I hate writing, that's Emily's thing. Two, I don't have time but tonight, yes. My mother is very protective of me but sometimes she goes too far to the point of humiliating Jessy if she doesn't do her "job" well.

I smile and continue.

Jessica is amazing! She's so sweet but she has to be protective of me and I feel like that's bothering her. I remember a conversation we had.

- Say, do you like me ? I asked her.
- Obviously, My guardian angel.
- Why do you call me that ?
- I can return the question to you.
- My protector, it makes me think of the happiness of always having someone watching over me like a guardian angel.
- You answered your question on your own. she laughed.
- Thanks for putting up with me. I said ashamed.

She hugged me and then smiled at me.

- You are my best friend, would never feel like I put up with you.
- Thank you, My protector.
- My pleasure, My guardian angel.

In turn, I remember the conversation.

She's too perfect for me and if she knew all the misfortunes I create.

My mother says I'm a public danger but my father says the opposite but can we really believe it when the two are separated ?

Dad says I need to stand up to my mom, but my psychologist says I need to think about healing my scars first. (I think he's talking about my scarifications). I don't know why but I feel the need to hurt myself because I don't want others to hurt.

Maybe it's too violent to talk about mental problems ?

The psychologist says I don't have any problems but I have real problems getting well.

Is he right ?

I stop, unable to start reading again.

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This is the chapter I hate the most in this story and another one but it's a secret...shhh.

Take care of yourself !

Have a good day...