CHAINED UP || J.JK × Reader

Chapter 16 | Love

What is he talking about?

[ what do you mean? You didn't do anything wrong. Do you regret it? >

< No, I mean, yeah kinda. I shouldn't have touched you like that. I promised myself I'd wait, I don't know if you were affected by it but I'm scared this might have deepened something inside you and its not a good idea so early in our relationship. Especially bcs it's your first, I'm your first and I messed up ]

I have never seen him worry so much in a sober state.

[ Don't apologize, you didn't mess up. I don't want you to worry. The one that should apologize is me because I didn't realize in the heat of the moment I was probably too forceful or pushy, so I'm sorry for making you feel like you've done something wrong. You didn't >

[ does that have to do with the fact you didn't want me to touch you more though? >

< No, you weren't forceful or anything like that. Don't say that, you always stop whenever you know I'm serious or if I'm not comfortable but I was, you knew I wanted it bcs i couldn't control it but we both had each other's consent. I'm the one that led us to that. I knew it would turn you on but I wanted more and couldn't stop ]

< yeah I knew it'd get me addicted and stuff and I just couldn't let it happen ]

I do not continue this conversation by text but call him, feeling like he took a pill or is slightly drunk, and he answers in a few seconds. "Y/n, I promise I didn't mean to lead everything to that. I didn't realize how wrong that was, but I feel so disgusting now—"

"Hey, calm down. Nothing wrong happened," I try to put his mind at rest, hearing the genuine and concerning panic in his voice. He is speaking fast, his breathing is unsteady, I do not understand what caused him to suddenly be in that state. "No, you don't get it, y/n. You say that because you love me," he does not think but lets the anxiety overwhelm him, so I do my best to find a way to relax him. "Listen. I love you, but I'm not blinded by my feelings. I know what's right and what's not. There's no reason to stress over this, I promise. Did you take a pill last night? Or this morning that you ended in this state?"

"I had to, I'm sorry, y/n...I feel like dying since I came back home yesterday, I feel horrible," he can barely speak distinctly. "It's okay. I'm not upset or disappointed. Try to breathe more properly. I'm coming, and we'll—"

"No. No, you're not. I don't want you to come, I'll calm down on my own," he refuses to receive my help, but knowing him and the reason why he is not okay with this, I still grab my bag and make my way out of my bedroom. "Fine, but I want you to stop panicking because there's not reason to," I check where my parents are and hurry to leave without them noticing.

"I can't. I can't stop thinking about it," he does not manage to do as he claimed only two seconds ago, so I step out of my house and hurry towards the bus station. "Did you wake up right before texting me?" I try to distract him with another subject. "Yes, I mean, I took so long to text you because I didn't know how to say it, but yeah."

"And what did you dream of?" I carefully cross the road, feeling anxious and worried for him. "I...I don't know...I think we were spending time together and watching a livestream."

"We were watching a livestream? Who was it?" I continue, hearing that I am actually doing well and calming him down for a bit.

30 minutes later...

After being hung up on, I enter Jungkook's house and catch sight of him walking around while breathing hard. "Y/n. I told you not to come."

I do not listen but close the door, take my shoes off, and drop my bag to head up to him. I have never seen him in such a state, he seems so lost and frightened. "You calmed down while I was talking to you, why did you hang up?"