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TW: panic attack a/n: also there's a song above that i think really accurately describes how she's feeling so if you wanna play it while you read , you can. it doesnt matter.
After yesterday, Rae had been texting me constantly and I tried my best to text back as much as I could but my mind has been off to other places. As much as I tried, the thoughts just wouldn't go away. No matter how much I tried to push them out.
I did have bigger things to worry about though, like what I was going to do on my birthday which is in two days, and then Thanksgiving which is two days after my birthday. Every year, I try to come up with a schedule that'll benefit everything I need to do in that whole week.
Pulling my mug out of the cabinet, I went over to the stove where my tea was brewing and poured some to start my evening off. My plans today were simple, go to work ( which I did earlier ), come home and take a hot bath, do a face mask, make some tea, and spend the rest of the day with my Macbook and Law and Order which I was currently binging.
I lit the vanilla bean candle that sat at my bedside before getting in my bed and cozying up. I need to have a calm evening and nobody or nothing is going to interrupt me, not as long as I can help it.
I think I've made it obvious that self-care is a huge thing for me. It always has been since the breakup with Charlotte. I mean I was taking care of myself during the relationship and before but it got more important afterwards.
It took me a long time to realize that you have to take care of yourself. You can't expect anyone else to do it because, at the end of the day, you only have yourself. Once you start depending on someone else, that's when you lose who you are and I stand on that. Maybe I do use it as a coping mechanism but I believe it's one of the healthiest ones out there.
I bit my lip in angst as I looked at everything I had typed on my planner. It sure is ... a lot. On my birthday, I wanted to spend a good bit with Al at the store and then visit my mother's grave. Then I had to get ready for that party Rae, Gabby, and Xavier think I don't know they're planning. The 2 days before Thanksgiving, I'm spending most of it with Papa to do some Thanksgiving cooking.
Every year, we make the dishes my mother used to make. The rest of the family knows that those specific dishes are off limits to them, they only let me and my father make them out of respect. Then, I'll have to make a dish or two by myself, just to contribute. It'll be hell on earth if I show up empty-handed.
It doesn't sound like a lot but once you're actually doing it in real time, it's extremely stressful. That's why I'm doing all my mentally-preparing today. My phone began to ring, I groaned expecting it to be Rae but when I picked it up, I found myself surprised.
"H-Hey Ms Halem. What's up?" I asked, confused. What is she doing calling me at 7 o'clock?
"Hello, Dahlia. I'm just calling to see if you want to schedule an appointment tomorrow." She said, sounding completely serious. An appointment- Oh wait, every year, a day before my birthday, I sit with her and discuss how I'm feeling. You know, with another birthday and a Thanksgiving without my mother.
