actions of regret - akitoya.

sixteen.

tw theres implied(?) sexual assault in this chapter

toya pov:

his leering smile looking down on me, arms locked in position either side of me assuring i had no where to run. i was young, fragile, small. he was older, powerful, brawny. kicking and crying was a futile attempt at freedom. his body pressing against mine, face inching closer and his hot breath brushing my face ever-so softly yet still in a way it felt like my skin was being torn of my face.

hands trailing up and down my body, stopping in a place no 8 year old boy should be touched by their own step-father. a clammy hand with a compelling grip, hooked its self over my mouth, choking my sobs.

"shhhh, toya, its okay. let daddy help you."

pain shocks my body as he-
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i jolt awake with a bucket of cold sweat dripping off of me and a sickening feeling burning through my stomach.

did that really ever happen? was it just a sickening nightmare?

my head was pounding and my limbs were throbbing with aches and pains. the sudden occurrence of this night terror disturbing me and any chances i had of falling bad asleep.

but i realised what i must do; feed into my bad habit once more.

i cautiously tiptoed out of minato's room into his marble, grey ensuite, avoiding getting too close to the beanbag he currently resided on, fast asleep.

locking the door behind me, a packet of pristine condition blades caught my eye line.

it's when i began dragging the blade across the (little amount of) unharmed skin i knew i wouldn't be able to relinquish this addiction anymore.

the lies were not worth lying about any longer: i had met my fate.

akito was right, i am going to become to his state at this rate.

drip. drip. drip.

the crimson flowed out my fresh gashes.

drip. drip. drip.
8 i was again, left lying on gelid, wooden ground whilst something of a vile, viscid consistency resided-

i squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to reminisce any longer: blade pressed deeper into my skin.

"it's not enough..." i mutter as the blade strokes over already open wounds, a new lick of blood flowed from my wrist.

"it's not enough." he grunted down my ear

weeping silently, i stand up and head for the front door- not bothering to tend to my injuries, when did i ever anyway? i need to speak to akito. i can't keep my emotions pent up any longer. the glass bottle withholding my fears, my memories, my feelings: was about to shatter.

and with this newly discovered recollection, i dont think i can abide this life anymore.

before i could even blink i was standing outside akito's patient room, scuffing the heal of my shoe against the floor as i stalled.

why am i nervous..?
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just a quick authors note

im aware this story is very dark and my aim isnt to romanticise any of the topics discussed throughout this book, i try and make it show the sides as ugly as possible because thats real and this is what its like. my experiences are put into each of this chapters, its hard to write, its upsetting but understand this is from my life. thank you 💝