destined (max verstappen)

forty

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't know." I repeated to Christian as the cars went out to the starting grid, ready to race the second last race of the season, "Genuinely, I'm sorry."

He looked at me for a moment, silently studying my expression, "You look a bit shaken.. are you okay?" He asked, placing a hand on my back, a caring gesture.

My relationship with Christian has been nothing but positive, at first I was scared to meet him, but now he's like my second dad. His family text me often and we all get on well, I suppose since Max is basically his son it made sense that he put in an effort with me, "No, no I'm fine don't worry." I assured him, but I felt the opposite of fine, it was unexplainable sadness.

He nodded looking across the paddock, "If him being here is too much trust me I get it, he stresses me out-

"Him?," I quizzed and then I knew what he was referring to, "Ohhhh, Jos right."

"What else would I be referring to?" He chuckled and then went to sit down next to one of the engineers, it was like his ritual to sit inside the garage in the beginning and then he moves outside, "Don't worry about it." I replied back to him.

My heart was beating abnormally fast, the drivers had already started racing and I had paid no attention focusing on my own issues. What sort of a girlfriend am I? "It's clear you priories lie elsewhere." I heard his Dutch accent, heavy and thick. Much like max.

"Oh?" I replied, wiping my eyes and sitting down in a vacant chair in front of the screen within the paddock to watch the race.

"I mean look at you, have you even watched any of this yet? Or are you just going to pretend you did," he looked me up and down and scoffed, "Taking this day all for yourself."

"What do you think I'm doing now? I'm sorry that my friend had to- yeah, I'm focused now." I told him, never removing my eyes from the screen although it wasn't helpful as the tears in my eyes made it blurry anyway.

"So max planned your birthday right? What did you do for his?," he paused waiting for a response "Yeah, I thought so."

when the hell was his birthday?

"When- when was his birthday?" I asked him genuinely confused, my heart was beating faster and faster by the minute. Had I forgotten? Had he ever told me?

Jos cackled to himself, some mechanics turning around to look at him "You aren't even joking! Oh this is too good!" He continued to laugh, and I just felt worse. Maybe we weren't together then, maybe I was married.

When I didn't play into his idiocy, he mumbled a quick "30th September." Oh no, we were together by then. Shit we probably spent the day together and he didn't say anything,

I thought for a moment trying to muster up the right words, but truthfully I didn't have them, I had no excuse, "I-

"No no no, I don't want to hear the whole dilemma that you probably had at the time. I don't care, but he probably does." Jos dismissed waving his hands about to shut me up before I'd even started.

"So he's 26 now?" I asked, just double checking

"Twenty seven," Jos laughed "Jesus."

I'm going to hell.

I deserve it.

Have I been this selfish? During my own personal matters, Adam drama, weddings, lawyers, had I gotten too caught up in myself? Have I really neglected everyone that badly? I assumed Adeline's issue was probably on her side but maybe it was me, maybe I stopped making time for her. I'd completely forgotten Max's birthday in the process and lost my best friend, "This is eye opening Olivia really." Jos told me chuckling lowly once again, oh I hate this man.