I Want What I Can't Have

Finally Home

Going home was such a funny thing to say for me. Where was home? You could say that my home was my childhood house, the one I'd grown up in with my older siblings and parents. That was rubble. You could say that my home was in Victor's Village in District 8. Also rubble. You could even say Snow's Mansion was my home as I'd spent time locked in there. This one wasn't actually rubble yet but it gave me triggered trauma, which I didn't really fancy living with. It took me a while to realise that home wasn't about the place you were in but the people you were with. When I was with Finnick Odair I was home. But I felt even more at home in his home in District 4. Because his home was him and it was also an option that wasn't rubble (yay).

The journey there felt so nostalgic, like we were going full circle. I lay in Finnick's arms finally feeling a sense of warmth and comfort after the war that had ranged on for all too long. His eyes were closed and his golden locks fell perfectly framing his tired face, like a fallen angel. His eyelashes seized to flutter and sat calmly on his skin, comfortable. His breathing was like a song, melodic with a touch of the purest tranquility. I could feel the steady, strong beat of his big heart and I found myself smiling, knowing that I would have the pleasure to spend the rest of my days by this man's great side. I shut my own eyes finally at peace. Peace with the world, peace with my love and peace with myself. I didn't think to the future and I forced myself to forget the past for a few minutes, I just thought about the here and the now and my lucky soul.

***
The train screeched to a halt, jolting me from a peaceful sleep. I gasped and I heard a soft chuckle coming from Finnick. I looked up at him.

"What?" I asked.

"You're cute," he grinned.

I could feel the warmth spread through my cheeks, how did this man never fail to make me blush? I'll never know. I smiled and gripped his hand.

"Let's go home." he whispered.

"I'm already here and I've been here for a while," I smiled softly placing my hand over his heart.

He planted a kiss of my forehead and we exited the train. The night was dark and bitter, the cold lapped at out exposed faces zapping up all of our heat but we didn't care. We laughed, dreaming of the hot chocolates that awaited us in Finnick's old kitchen. He always kept a supply of hot chocolate powder under his wardrobe, he'd once told me. Turns out, it was true and let me tell you now, that habit never went away. He held me close and the minutes melted into hours as we trekked through the harsh weather conditions. Finally I saw the house. It still stood tall and proud as it always had. The outside that sandy brown colour, the seashells still decorating the windows, the door still as inviting as ever. Finnic looked deep into my eyes and I looked deep into his.

"And the new chapter begins," he said, I could've sworn I saw a tear in his eye.

"And the old one ends for good," I agreed.

"Is it just me or do you feel like your insides are an emotional tornado right now?" he asked.

I nodded, biting back a few tears of my own. I didn't know if I was sad or happy or genuinely just exhausted from the journey. Maybe it was all of them, like Finnick had said, an emotional tornado. He fumbled around with the key for a while before he finally swung the door open, offering me in first. I stepped in. The inside was so cold, the darkness didn't help. But despite how very lonely the inside looked an odd sensation and heat made its way from the tips of my toes the top of my head. The door slammed shut, blocking out the bitter wind and the light was switched on. It was just as I'd remembered, though a little dustier and a lot quieter.

A glanced to the right where a large canvas picture sat. Something I never remembered being there when I was last here. It wasn't a photograph but more of a realistic style black and white drawing. There were three people in it. I recognised them all so well. There was one girl, on the left, who had choppy dark hair, grinning like a Cheshire Cat, her bright blue eyes burning with a mischievous glint. In the middle there sat a boy with bold sea green eyes and a soft smile. Finally on the right there was another girl. She looked the most familiar to me, I was close to her. Her chestnut locks fell softly down near her waist, her stormy grey eyes looked as though they had a blue hue in them and she was smiling one of those pure and true smiles, one that couldn't be faked. The three of them had their arms around eachother. Finnick caught me staring and he walked behind, taking my hand in his gently.

"I got that made a little after you two left," he said, "made me feel a little less lonely."

"It's so beautiful," I smiled sniffing, "we look so happy."

"Now we can be happy," he replied.

I yawned, resting my head back into his chest.

"Does such thing as train lag exist?" he asked.

I giggled.

"Because I'm shattered," he sighed.

"God so am I," I replied.

"The bed should be made, how I left them," he said, "it's been a while."

"A long while," I smiled, "too long if you ask me."

"Welcome home sweetheart," he grinned.

"I love you," I replied, craving a kiss.

"I love you too," he smiled, pushing his lips onto mine. Seems he had the same craving.

***
Sorry for the slow updates
Thanks for sticking with me ❤️❤️
Hope you are still enjoying xx