I Want What I Can't Have

Back To Square One

"What do we do now?" Finnick asked.

"I don't know," I murmured.

"When this ends-" he began.

"If." I corrected.

"When this ends, what are we going to do?" He asked me.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"What do you want to do? Do you want to move somewhere together or..." Finnick said.

"Oh," I murmured, taken aback, "I hadn't even thought about it."

"That's okay, no pressure," he shrugged.

"No, no," I sighed, pausing a second, "I do want to move in with you but I don't know where. I don't want to move to 8."

"Okay, how about 4," he asked.

"I like 4 but I want to be with Johanna and Katniss and Peeta," I replied.

"Okay, well we'll figure it out," he said.

"I love you so much," I whispered.

"I love you more," he replied, kissing me softly.

Peeta then descended down the stairs, wiping his eyes slowly.

"You knew she wouldn't let you go," I told him.

"How did you know?" he murmured.

"I saw it in your eyes, I knew you were at least going to try and get her to let you go," I shrugged.

"What now?" He asked.

"I don't know," I replied, "but we can't be expected to just sit here and do nothing."

"That you are not," came a familiar voice.

"Haymitch!" I yelled, running to give him a hug.

"Hello," he chuckled.

"How did you find us?" Finnick asked.

"Tigris," he explained, "we knew you were alive just didn't know where."

I hummed in response.

"Where's everyone else, Katniss, Gale, Johanna?" He asked.

"They've gone into the Capitol already, disguised as citizens," I explained, "Cressida and Pollux are interviewing Tigris upstairs, the rest of the squad is dead."

"Oh," Haymitch said, "dead."

"Why are you here?" Finnick replied.

"Long story," he replied, "shit that leg looks bad."

"We've been through a lot," Peeta murmured, finally speaking.

"How are you doing Peeta?" Haymitch asked.

"Better, still not right, but better," he said.

"Good," he nodded, "now I'm here because we need to get Finnick and Peeta to the closest hospital."

"How do we do that?" I asked.

"Back routes through the Capitol and then you and me have some business we've got to handle," he winked.

"What kind of business?" Finnick asked.

"Nunya," Haymitch said.

"What's that?" Finn said, confused.

"None ya business," he laughed in reply.

"Are we sure he's not drunk?" Peeta asked.

"You can never be sure," Finn rolled his eyes.

"No this is him sober," I replied, "but if he made that joke when he was drunk... you don't wanna know."

***

Who knew there were so many tunnels in one place? Walking was really stating to get on my nerves now. The four of us rested as nightfall came. Finnick fell asleep immediately, so did Peeta. That left Haymitch and I to talk.

"What do I need to do?" I asked.

"I don't know what she's gonna do," Haymitch said, I knew he was referring to Katniss, "it's a lot to ask but I need you to be there to protect her."

"Of course, as soon as I know Finnick is in a hospital, that's what I'll do," I replied.

"Thank you," he sniffed.

"Sober Haymitch is great," I smiled.

"Oh really?" He replied, "what's so great about him?"

"He's funny and he's genuine but he's also has the biggest of hearts," I said, "I think that's what I love the most."

"Really?" He asked.

"Yeah," I murmured, "really."

Interrupting us, Finnick began to talk in his sleep. I carefully moved closer to him and put my hand on his forehead. He was boiling hot and sweating.

"He has a fever," I hissed, "that's a sign of infection."

"Should we move?" Haymitch asked.

"How far away is the hospital?" I said.

"It could take us about an hour," he shrugged.

"Let's go," I replied, "the quicker he gets there the better."

Haymitch nodded and slowly began to wake Peeta up as I did Finnick.

"Finn," I whispered, "sweetheart you have to wake up."

"Flaire I don't feel so good," he murmured, tiredly.

"I know, but the quicker we get the hospital, the quicker you'll feel better," I said.

He nodded, forcing himself to stand up as he muttered, "I have a headache."

"It's not far," I replied, "only a little bit to go."

Only it wasn't a little bit to go. It was a whole hour of walking to go. But we carried on through the darkness. We had to stop multiple times for Finnick too catch his breath or so he could sit down to prevent his nauseating dizziness. But finally after an hour and a half we made it. I sighed in relief as we walked through the doors and a nurse immediately took Finnick to a hospital bed, followed by Peeta soon after. I got a few stitches before I sat in the room for hours watching Finnick being treated and making sure he was okay. That's what hurt the most. I knew what Haymitch was asking me when he said 'protect Katniss'. That meant give my life for her if it came down to it. And I was prepared for that. Finnick was soon asleep. I planted a kiss on his soft lips maybe for the last time and left him the letter I'd been writing.

Dear Finnick,
Falling in love is such a surreal feeling. I don't know how many times you've experienced it but I have only once and it was with you. I remember it so clearly. I'd never felt anything like it. You crushed every part of me when you were with Annie or Johanna because I wished for was for you to be mine. Selfish I know, but I can't help it. And I just kept feeling so guilty for wanting what I couldn't have. But now I have you we're forced to slip away from one another again. That night when you were drunk I thought you'd never remember the words I said but part of me is so glad that you did. I hate seeing you in pain. I hate seeing you suffer. I could go on for pages and pages but I have little time and I might bore you to death. Haymitch has asked me to protect Katniss and I think we both know what that means. I think I'll come back but just in case I don't I want to tell you all of this. If I'd told you before I knew you'd never have let me go. So if it comes down to it and I don't return, don't cry, don't be sad. I will always belong in your heart. And I will live there forever, whether we are together or apart. Ooo that rhymes, I should frame that! That's beside the point though, Finnick as you once said: my love, you have my heart, for all eternity, and if I die, my last thought will be of your lips on mine.
I love you more than anything in this world,
- Flaire xx

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I keep forgetting to update 😂😂
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