The Elementals Mate

19: Nothing changes

Chapter 19: Angels POV

OK don't snap. just take a deep breath and calm down. don't think of how pissed you are think of Adam on fire and kicking ren in his privates. Think happy thoughts. Deep breath. Think of Lucas dieing and Cain drowning. Think of running through the forest at high speed. The wind in my face. And calm.

well it took you long enough.

Shut up! Can you blame me i mean they gave me my room. OK that didn't sound right. They gave the me they think i am the room the old me had so their basically giving me my room. Oh i give up you know what i mean.

ummmmm no not really.

ugh i give up. Look here i am standing in what used to be my old room but it's completely empty. That means they through my stuff out! HOW COULD THEY!

well you did disappear and your still gone. or at least they think you're gone. this is going to give me a headache.

Look that's besides the point and how come the person who is meant to save the pack gets the worst room in the whole pack house.

well lets see maybe it's because the rest of the house is full with the two alphas, two betas and their mates and Cains kid so that's alone 6 people along with the live in maids that's 8 and our two other mates so that's 10 people who each need at least one room to themselves. Their are people who rank higher than you, you know.

I guess your right wait here comes someone.

"hey i came to apologise to you about earlier and to let you know i'll be trying my best my head out of my ass as you put it so here" Lucas said as he walked in to the room carrying my luggage.

wow. well that's new. Lucas is actually apologising to someone.

"well thanks i guess. Umm hey can i ask you something?"

were are you going with this? be careful what you say.

"uh sure go ahead"

"who used to live here."

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING!!!!

Damn your loud.

"Uh. The old betas daughter" Lucas said looking down. His whole attitude changed then, he seemed to become dark and sad. It looked like he held the weight of the world on his hunched shoulders but that was hardly the case.

"why do you look so sad? Did she mean something to you?"

STOP IT. NOW!!!

Shut UP!

"yea she did. She meant a lot to me."

Ha like we meant anything to him. He's just putting on a show.

"Really. Who was she and were is she now?"

"She was my mate and she's gone."

"Gone? Why would she leave you if you were her mate? What happened to her? Did she get attacked or something"

"No not atacked"

"The what happened?"

"Me." Lucas ground out. He looked broken and dejected. It really seemed like it had hurt him for me to leave.

"What do you mean, you?"I questioned.

what are you trying to accomplish look at him he's hurting.

And we're not meant to care any more.

"I was an ass to her and she left. She was week so she's probably dead by now and it's all my fault." His voice was hollow and emotionless. He wasn't putting on a show this was how he really felt.

"oh" Was all i managed to say. He looked so unlike himself that it hurt. Had i really done this to him?

"You know your right about me needing to take a look at myself. First i hurt my mate then act like a jackass to you for no real reason, you were just giving me a wake up call so thanks. I'll let you get unpacked" Lucas said then left the room eyes firmly planted on the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Huh.

What?

Why do i still feel like this?

Like what?

Like i have a spear through my heart.

I don't know what to say

...

Well did you get what you wanted from him. To see him look so torn apart and dead to everything. Are you happy now that you've seen what he's like without you?

I don't know.

What do you mean?

Why does his pain make me feel so bad? All i ever wanted was for him to hurt as much as i did and now that I have it i feel worse.

I don't know what to say.

... I don't understand at all.

I sat back on the bed and put my elbows on my knees resting my forehead on my hands.

I don't know.

That was the first time i cried in four years and it was over the same guy who had broken my heart and shattered it. He was the only one who could make me feel such deep hatred but also never ending guilt and pain. The only times i cried were when he was around.

I curled up in bed and screamed. I yelled out my frustration and pain until my throat felt like it was ripped to shreds. I cried until i had no tears left and my pillow was soaked through. No one came up to see me and no one heard. I already knew this room was sound proof. My heart was aching and i felt split in too. Why did he have to hurt me so much?

For the first time in four years i cried my heart out in the same place i did before.

Nothing changes no matter how long you disappear for.