Fire and Silk

Chapter One

"Sometimes when you're drunk you can see better." -Damien Hirst

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A Year Later

SEX is equivalent to the feeling you get when you pull a random strand of hair out from between your asscrack or when you have a strand of hair attached too the sleeve off your shirt and it's been tickling your arm for four minutes and you've been swatting at it not able to find it. Meaning it could feel really satisfying or leave you frustrated and angry. Ever since I lost my virginity last year I have had sex with five men; my sexual frustration was taken out in many different ways but nothing could amount to what my first was like.

Yes I had been satisfied but not in the way I preferred, it's really difficult to have that conversation with someone."Oh hey yeah I like my nipples being tugged on while you bite my left flap." Type shit you know? Not everyone is into that, somehow Matt had unleashed some beast inside of me and has ruined sex for me forever because no one was as good as him. How can one singular person leave that good of an impression on someone in one drunken night. Sometimes I wish it never happened just so I could be so used to the vanilla sex these men were supplying me with, I had no god damn reason to be so fucking picky.

Three of the men I had slept were at random parties that the girls would take me too; i know that 'I had an sexual awakening' but really I didn't turn that much into a slut. Each man was a few weeks or months apart from each other or I had men eat me out in the bathrooms while Harry Styles played in the background.Yes I may not be the 'don't touch me' girl anymore but I still had struggles with dating; the lovey-dovey stuff that men did was just to much for me at times. That brings me to my boyfriend Micheal who i have been dating for three months now. He was the 'perfect man' in a lot of girls eyes; he would gift with me flowers, chocolates and random presents just because 'he felt like it'. It was a nice thing don't get me wrong but when its constantly and theres no meaning behind it, it can become very annoying. Like he's trying to gain my love/affection with gifts.

He was amazingly sweet to my parents and friends, he was nice to anyone he came in contact with. The other downfall for me personally was how clingy he was, at parties he would be attached at my hip. I could barely use the bathroom without him nearby, one on one conversations? Yeah they are out of the window and he's a constant texter; I shouldn't roll my eyes whenever my boyfriend messages me but it happens. He told me he loved me after a month of dating and I felt bad that it just fell from my mouth without a second thought.

The sex with him was pleasant but when it was the same position every time it became a bit dull; overtime I try to introduce new things but some of them are out of his comfort zone which i respect. Micheal was safe, he made me feel like a princess and maybe thats all I need in life. I hated dating and the last relationship I had before Micheal where I had developed strong feelings was quickly shat on by Delilah; I'm to scared to leave someone who treats me like this because what if its the best I got? It sounded terrible but I feel like eventually I could feel the same way he does about me and I do truly like him a lot.

"Babe," Michael nudges my arm with a soft laugh, I'm pulled from my thoughts and my eyes zone into his boyish face, 'You've been staring at me for ages."

Micheal had brown hair that was trimmed at the sides with a bunch of curls sat on top of his head, he was a few inches taller then me and he had more of a lanky body then most. His dark brown eyes open a bit wider then normal as he moves his head to motion me to answer him, I laugh.

"I did it again," I smile, "Sorry."

He wraps his hand around mine underneath the table, "Don't apologise, what were you day dreaming about?"