Ash trays:Javier Peña x reader

"How do you know whats good for me."

you sat in the car patiently, your eyes darted around watching for any type of movement. Everything had hit you like a truck, everything came out. I mean everything. your sniffles had turned into very heavy breathing, it was becoming much harder for you to catch your breath. short bursts of whines would escape your clenching throat, you felt your eyes start to get puffy, making it much more difficult to blink, and when you would try to wipe away the tears it burned. you didn't want javi to see you like this. you had cried in front of him before, but this was different. really different. the burning look of worry on javier's face when he had barged into the small room had taken its effect in your mind. there were at least 5 different emotions happening all at once in that moment. your head rang harshly, like someone had bashed your face into a wall. when you had fallen, the back of your head had hit the floor pretty hard, making your vision go in and out. Survival instinct had kicked in at the moment from keeping yourself from being violated. Would there be an investigation? would you be fired? these thoughts filled your mind, but anger burned in your heart. "Are you doing ok? I got you set up. you'll start next monday." reality had come back to you, you glanced at javi in the driver's seat with some papers tucked under his arm. he set them in the seat behind you. you nodded and he drove quickly back to his apartment. he helped you out of the car and up the stairs. when he opened the door he guided you to his bathroom and closed the door, but left a crack in the door. you sat down on the edge of his tub and crossed your arms across your chest. he bent down to your level and his hands rested on his knees. you stared down at the tile floor, refusing to make eye contact with him. He sighed and stood up looking at his sink, gazing into the mirror and rubbing his eyes with one hand. then he left the bathroom, leaving the door open. he soon returned with a comfortable pair of plaid pajama pants and a sweatshirt with his high school logo in embroidered lettering. he set the clothes on the toilet seat lid and walked back over to you sitting down on the icy tile. "can I touch you." you nodded gently and javi reached over to the sweatshirt that sat next to him and set it in his lap. you scotted down to his level on the floor. with care, he held one of your arms up and gently slid your sweater over your head. your other arms slipped through the fabric and your hands went to your shoulders. javi bunched up the sweatshirt and pulled it delicately over your head, he took out your earrings to make sure they wouldn't get caught on any of the heavy fabric. your arms made their way through the sleeves and you pushed your hair back from your face. javi carefully unzipped your slacks pulling them down gently. your soft flesh hitting the cold floor sent jolts up your spine, your eyes had been watering once javi had touched your pants to unzip them. he was slow, gentle and mindful of where he placed his hands. he helped you slither into the plaid pajama pants. they were too big for you, the drawstring on the waist being tied tightly, the legs dragged when you walked. when he finished he helped you stand up. his hand made it to your face, his thumb caressed your soft cheeks, brushing away the stinging tears that fell from your blood shot eyes.

"we should talk." he walked you out of the bathroom and to his bedroom. he let you sit down on his bed, you sat with your legs tucked under yourself. he sat down next to you, you felt the weight shift on his bed. he took a deep breath in, "I think you should go back to the states. It's not safe here. for any of us." his hand took yours "after I get done here I'll come back for you. I promise." you looked at him with dull eyes, waiting for something else to escape his lips. "I can get you a ticket, you have a new passport as well. just-" he sighed "I don't want you to get hurt. I can't risk that." Ultimately it was your decision. but you felt if you didnt he would pull some strings to get you out. the war on drugs was getting hotter by the minute. you feared for Javier's safety more than your own. solely because he was going out to these raids, getting shot at. the thought made you quiver. "For me." Your hands went to his lips, they caressed across your soft skin. "Where will I go?" He was silent for a moment, "Florida? That's where a lot of the DEA programs are. Or you could always do texas." You shot him a glare, "what's in Texas." A small smile creeped on his face. "My family, I can tell them about you. I'm sure they'll take care of you." You shook your head. You couldn't do that to Javier's family, his father already had the ranch to worry about. Plus you didn't really know these people. You knew they were kind and welcoming but something about it felt wrong. "I only have a few more months down here. Can you manage that" you sniffled, his arms wrapped around your body, carefully holding you not too tight. "But what about everything I've done down here? For you? And the department.", "we'll figure it out ok?" You stood up "Javier, I have worked hard and have gotten nowhere. This is the first time I've ever had something good for me. And you want me to just up and leave?" Your voice was getting louder, "I'm not saying that, but I don't think you understand the amount of danger you are in if you stay here." You rolled your eyes. "Well what about you?" You crossed your arms across your chest. "You're always going out, you're a moving target Javier. What's the difference between me leaving and you staying? What are you getting?" He burst, "because if I leave I get killed. If I go back to the fucking states I have a chance of getting my head blown off." His tone startled you, he took his head in his hands and groaned. "What are you talking about." He looked up at you and sighed. "Look, you can't be upset-" you cut him off, "I already am." He sighed and stood up, facing face to face with you now. "I've been working with Cali." Your eyes widened, "I'm not killing people or trafficking drugs." Your jaw clenched. "Why." Steam was coming out of your ears. "They have a chance to take down Escobars whole empire in one swipe. They're helping me, and I'm helping them. You have to understand." You stormed out of the room and to the kitchen. You walked behind the counter, he followed. "Javier. Why on god's green earth do you think that's a good idea?! You're not going to gain anything out of this besides being buried six feet under the goddamn ground! And what if I get pulled into this? What if I get killed! Would you be able to live with yourself." It was turning into a screaming match. "That's because I can't! I'm getting you to go to the states so we can prevent that from happening?", your fist clenched, "well what about you? You just wanna be the hero. Save the day, claim the rewards. What would Steve think? What about the department. Everything you've worked forward too, your position now. You're just as terrible as them. What would they think? You can't come back from that Javier." He sighed. "Maybe I am as bad. But I need to make sacrifices and decisions to do the right thing.", "Javier! Siding and working with the opposing cartel is not making you A better person, or doing the right thing." He got close to your face, "I'm doing this for us-" your brows furrowed, "us? US? There has never been an us. There has been you and me. But we were never together. Because you can't commit." His eyes darkened, "because I'm Terrified I'll lose you." An awkward silence filled the room. "I am going to get you on a plane back to the states by tomorrow. Don't fight this. It's for your own good." His voice was quiet and hoarse. "How do you know what's good for me." His hand went to his head, he rubbed his eyes. "You'll get transferred to Miami. I'll Pull some strings." You walked out of the kitchen and sat down on the large couch adjacent to the kitchen counter. You sat up with your head resting in your hands. The small clock on the wall ticked louder and louder. It was all that crowed your mind, each tick and movement of the hands.