ataraxia (izuku midoriya x reader) (on hiatus)

21

philophobia

ⁿᵒᵘⁿ
the fear of falling in love
~

a hand brushed over my forehead, soft, loving.

"good morning, sweet child," mom said smiling and kissing my cheek.

"she's so adorable, our little hero." dad mused, standing next to her. he smiled down at me, "you will blow us all away, y/n yagi."

what a joyful time it was.
–

there was only one person at my bedside when i awoke in the hospital.

to my surprise, it was a stranger, a woman who i had never seen before. she was pretty, with long pink hair and orange eyes.

when i groaned from the sudden burning pain in my back, her orange eyes lit up. "miss yagi! how do you feel about being exposed about being the daughter of all might?" she asked, whipping out as small notebook.

a reporter.

in a second, everything that happened came back to me and colour drained from my face as i became completely aware of my situation. i looked at the lady with a look of betrayal. "who let you in here?" i questioned, sitting up and feeling some flesh on my back rip apart.

miss chiyo must have not been able to heal me, since i was completely exhausted. i let out a hiss of pain as the heart monitor sped up. "miss yagi, please don't strain yourself." she begged apologetically.

"no... please leave. i don't know you." i strained fearfully, weakly getting off of the bed and accidentally knocking down the IV pole, causing the needle to rip out of my arm.

my back was on fire as i hastily backed away from the woman, who was walking closer to me, trying to calm me down.

this only panicked me more, and tears welled up in my eyes. i pulled the heartrate monitor off of my finger and discarded it somewhere on the ground.

i backed into a corner and slid to the ground, shakily begging the woman to get away from me, but she wouldn't listen, only trying to shush me.

then, something in me broke and i created a bubble around me as i brought my knees to my chest and hid my head behind my arms.

everything in me was shaking as nurses and security escourted the woman out of the room.

even with the nurses trying to get me to take the force field down, i wouldn't dare budge. i was in survival mode, i rather took a flight response than the fight one. my body was to weak, and so was my mind.

too much had happened at the raid, i didn't even know how long i was out for.

i took a breath and i released the force field, standing up and limping out of the room, despite the protests from the nurses.

i had to see everyone. izuku, grandpa, rumi, asami, todoroki, bakugou, aizawa, even endeavor. i needed them to be fine. all of them.

when i got to the room, something inside of my chest shattered so violently that i was surprised no one else managed to hear it. it felt like everything I tried to build collapsed right then at the sight.

my father was sitting next to midoriya's bed, worriedly looking at the green haired boy, waiting for him to wake up. holding his casted hand.

oh.

game over. i lose.

—

Mirai hugged onto me as i stood by my father's bedside, looking at his fragile state.

it was just after his fight with one for all, the one that laid permanent damage to his organs.

i needed him to wake up and smile at the world again. at least, the fact that i knew i had a dad was comforting, even though he was so busy saving japan on the daily.

that's why i needed him to be okay. so that he could keep on saving japan.

when he opened his eyes, my heart jumped and i hugged him gently.

he gave me a pat on the back and removed me from him, getting out of bed and into his muscle form. he then limped out of the room, holding his side

mirai raked his hand through his hair and marched after my dad, irritated.

i was left standing alone in the hospital room, staring at the wall with tears in my eyes.

i waited for him anxously only so that he could reject me again.

—

the memory stung and a lump grew in my throat.

i woke up with a reporter whom i didn't know at all next to my bed, waiting for me to wake up so that she could pester me with questions.

i had nurses rush to my aid when my anxiety kicked in because of said reporter.

i had to see my dad worrying for his successor more than his daughter. his own blood.

why me? what did i do to deserve this?

i removed myself from the doorframe, and continued wandering the halls of the hospital while my thoughts consumed me and tears silently rolled down my cheeks.

how could this even happen? i thought i built our relationship better over the last few months. i thought he actually cared about me now.

i thought he'd at least try to be there for me now that I've been exposed to the public.

i let out a numb laugh. of course he wouldn't. I was being selfish. i shouldn't expect anything from anyone. at least, that way, i wouldn't be disappointed if things didn't go as i thought they would.

a tiny hand grabbed me and yanked me down, causing me to yelp from the ripping sensation in my burn wound again.

"what are you doing out if your hospital bed, missy?"

miss chiyo.

of course she would.

"sorry, recovery girl."i said, trying to supress my wobbly voice and hide my puffy eyes from her. "i felt like i was cooped in there for too long."

her lips pursed and she kissed me on the cheek. "all better, deary. i was actually on my way to your room now to see how you were doing." she said, wiping the wetness from my cheeks and walking off, down the hall.

i let another sigh escape my throat once miss chiyo was out of earshot.

i felt like i had to remind my lungs to take every breath. i had to remind my heart to make every beat.

i sunk down against a wall in the hospital corridor. i didn't want to keep going. i didn't have the energy. my world was ending, and i didn't want to do anything about it. i just watched it burn in front of me, and it was all because of one person.

the one person who I'd willingly burn it down for.

the one person who i am supposed to hate.

the one person whom i am scared to love.

izuku motherfucking midoriya.