A North Carolina Autumn

Chapter Fifty-One

3.22.2023

Whoa, two updates in one week?? I'm taking all of next week off work, so I'll have a lot of time to write and hopefully keep updating more frequently:)
sh trigger warning for this chapter

When I wake in the morning, Rylie's side of the bed is empty. I instantly beginning worrying. Did she even come home last night? The moment I have the thought, I hear the front door open and close, followed by the sound of keys on the counter top. I breathe out a sigh of relief and move out from under the covers as Rylie enters the bedroom.

"Hi..." I say tentatively.

"Hey." Rylie's reply is short and she avoids my gaze, making it obvious that something is still bothering her.

I frown and head to the bathroom, wondering how to find out what's going on with her. When I get back, Rylie stands beside the bed, folding laundry.

"Can we talk?" I ask softly, tugging at my sleeves nervously.

"About what?" She replies without looking up.

"About what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong, Aspen."

"Ry, why won't you talk to me? It feels like you're hiding something."

"I'm hiding something?" She says, finally meeting my eyes.

My heart drops at her words, and I struggle to pull in another breath. "What do you mean?" My throat is tight, making it hard to get the words out. She can't know. I've been so careful.

"I thought I was crazy. I told myself I was crazy. I saw the trash, but brushed it off. You would've come to me if it was that."

"Ry..." My voice breaks.

"You seemed happy and normal so I told myself you must've accidentally cut yourself while shaving or something."

She knows.

My legs feel weak and I slide down the wall as tears well up in my eyes. "I'm so sorry." I whisper, but Rylie doesn't hear. I glance up to see her eyes full of tears that quickly make their way down her face.

Fuck! I want to scream. Seeing Rylie like this, knowing I'm the one that is causing her this pain makes me feel a dozen different things, none of them good.

Fighting the urge to hit something, I hold my head in my hands, failing to stop the tears as they fall faster. "I'm so sorry, Ry." I say again, meeting her eyes. My heart nearly breaks as I see the hurt filling them. I watch as she slides to the ground, her back against the bed.

"Was it something I did?" Rylie finally says, her voice small and defeated. What's left of my heart breaks as she says this, and I can't stop the sob that follows.

"Baby, no." I cry, moving to kneel in front of her. "It wasn't anything you did."

"Then what was it?" Rylie pleads, her eyes full of something I don't recognize at first, but then it hits me.

She doesn't believe me. She thinks this is her fault.

But I can't tell her. I can't keep doing this to her knowing that it was taking a toll on her.

"Please, baby." Rylie whispers as she takes my hands gently. "Talk to me."

I drop my gaze, avoiding her pleading eyes, wondering what I should do. Gabe's voice is still in my head, reminding me over and over of the reasons I shouldn't tell her.

Sure, she's willing to be there for you and says she wants you to come to her, but think about it, Aspen. Think about how it's affecting her. How much sleep she loses because you keep waking her up with your stupid dreams. How often you think about hurting yourself.