Dean x Reader

Death

hey guys, a couple things first, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENSEN <3 and also i've been going throughhh it these past few weeks that's why i haven't written anything, but i'm tryna get back into it :) i hope y'all like this.

backstory: charlie died, you, sam, and dean are doing the hunters funeral and shit kinda gets stirred up.
(i'm sorry in advance because i had so much troubles figuring out how to start this story, idk why i can't/couldn't figure out a good start so it kinda sucks in the beginning but i'm hoping y'all like it still lmao)

there the 3 of you were, standing outside in front of charlie's burning body.. your confused, thinking to yourself, why, why did this have to happen to her. dean was pretty pissed and upset, especially with sam. usually there's not much if any talking while we have the regularly scheduled hunters funeral but sam decided to say a few things, i was shocked and kinda wish he'd stop because well, it was sorta his fault, but also because it's just a moment where we all just wanna be silent, let ourselves be whatever bad emotion.

"charlie.. we're gonna miss you. you were, the best. and i'm so sorry." sam says. dean immediately responds after him saying sorry. you can tell how upset dean is. you love dean with everything in you, and even if he doesn't feel the same, you hurt so bad when he's upset.

"shut up." "you got her killed, you don't get to apologize."

"you think i'm... ever... gonna forgive myself for that?"

"you wanna know what i think? i think it should be you up there not her." dean said, i was in shock but as fast as the words left his mouth is as fast as i put an end to it. i understand deans upset but i also know he would never mean that, not in a million years.

"stop. that's going to far now." i saw as i step in front of them. "sam... idk what to tell you right now, but for now please walk away, i need to talk to dean and just rather you not be here. i'm sorry. but please" you put your hand to his arm trying to be, sincere, or kind, just something to show your not mad at him. yes your upset with him a bit but at the same time it can't all be blamed on him. he walks away so now you stand in front of dean, him trying to look anywhere but at you. you're not used to that, he's never had a problem looking at you before so you were confused.

"y/n, please just go inside or just stand here silent. i don't wanna end up yelling at you or something."

"no dean.." you start, some reason having a lump in your throat now, feeling like your gonna cry way worse then before and you don't know why. "i understand your mad, i get it dean i do, you have every right to be. but you don't mean what you just said to him."

"yea because you know me so fucking well."

"yes i do. you think i don't pay attention at all dean?! you think i'm just oblivious to anything you do, any way you act? i've been hunting with y'all for 5 years now, and i knew y'all way before that. so yea i do know you 'so fucking well' dean." you start raising your voice and tears come down. "i want you to think, real damn hard right now, about how you'd feel and how you'd act if that right there was sammy, your goddamn brother..." calming down now. you see the tears deans fighting off tryna hide it. "dean.. i love you ok? i don't mean to sound so rude and harsh about it but sometimes i can't help it alright. like you said yourself, even if it was as sarcastic as a bitch, i know you so well, i know you act on impulse some or almost the time, you don't always think before you speak and do. which is fine but sometimes it needs to be confronted. and what you just said to sam just was to far... i know your mad and you hurt, but i also know you'd never in a million thousand years rather have sam there." you say while dean still has barely looked at you. "come here" you say softly while wrapping your arms around him, maneuvering your hands under his flannel but above his shirt. y'all stay like that for a moment. you feel how his breathing gets more shaky each time he inhales.

"i love you dean. i really do. and its ok, it's ok to cry, let your emotions out. just not by throwing things and punching shit" y'all both chuckle a little at the last part. he starts to hug you back.

"i love you too." his voice giving away the fact he's crying. which is totally ok. you hug him tighter. y'all hug for a long moment, you finally go to pull away, but he doesn't let you.

"not yet, please."

"can we at least go inside dean, it's freezing." he laughs softly. he pulls away and you guys are looking into each others eyes, you wipe the leftover tears from his face. and decide he really needs a hug still. so you tell yourself 'fuck it' and hug him again, not caring that your cold asf.

"i thought you were cold."

"i am. i'm freezing my tits off. but you looked like you needed another hug so i'm sacrificing." it goes silent for a moment.

"thank you y/n. i don't know what if do without you." you decide not to verbally respond, you just try to burry your head into his chest more and being yourself as close as you can to him.

i didnt know if i should add more for the ending, let me know and i can make a part 2 or something. (but give me a suggestion for the ending if u want it please) i hope y'all like it!!