OUR STORY (Zak Bagans fan fiction)

My lips, your lips, apocalipse.

My personallity is not the same as it was before i went to rehab. I believe i was naive, stupid, vounerable and insecure so i let a lot of things slide by and accepted/forgave things that i shouldnt. That no one should. Things have changed and now came the moment where i had to show some teeth. For me.
" Zak, wake the fuck up" i said and shook his shoulder.
" I dont have work today" he mumbled in his pillow.
" Yes but we had to work all night to make sure u dont die in your sleep and drown in your own vomit!! "  I said even louder , i was furious , me and the guys took shifts looking after him, knowing that he would hate it if we called 911 on his dangerous intoxication. That would be something no one can hide from the public eye. Jay had to go home to his wife but David took his place.
Zak was still not responding, i went to the bathroom and filled up his empty puke bucket with water , made my way over to him and dumped it on his head!
" What the fuck!" He gasped as he shot out of the bed.
" Zak i am so done with you and your shit! Glad that you are alive, now go take a shower and reflect on some life choices because you are a piece of shit! "
" -Wha- i just woke up June what are you talking about???? Ohhhhh....oh shit..."
" Yes ,exactly! Bye Zak"
" You dont mean that ,do you"
" I mean every single word when i say that you are a pice of shit , you act like shit and quite frankly this is just getting hard to watch , i am out!!" I said and stormed out of his stinky bedroom, and ran down the stairs where Aaron, Billy and David were sitting by the TV.
Zak ran after me and caught up fast enough, right by the front door.
"You cant leave, you have a contract!" He said as he stood in front of the door.
" Zak fuck you and your contract!" I said and smacked him in the chest.
" Why are you acting like this? We are not together!" He said as if he was mocking me.
" Maybe because you have been treating me like shit ever since YOU made me come back ,  maybe because you keep giving me mixed emotions and maybe i have more self respect than to deal with it on a day to day basis ! Worst of all , as we took your vomit covered pathetic excuse of a man body up the stairs, you called her name and ripped my dress! My favorite one in fact. So i mean it, try suing me and i will ruin you ! Now get the fuck out of my face Zak !" I screamed and pushed him in the chest again. He heasitated but David came over to back me up. David was buff and tall, i dont think Zak would win that fight. He knew. Zak stood aside and me and David exited .
"Ass wipe!" David shouted back at Zak. Made me laugh but soon enough the tears came running.
" Nooo no no , dont do this, you know he aint shit and its all over! Now lets go home and deal and then never see him again!" David suggested, i just nodded, David knew what,was best for me .

*3 days later*

Zak has put me through a lot, but i still crave for closure ,i still ache for a conversation that ends with a clear decition, instead of an angry and childish argument. Through his eyes i am the villan, the one who left him alone to be on his own. I think thats selfish of him. Now i know that maybe i should have done things differently ,and if i could turn back time- i would, but it does not work that way. But still , me and Zak have some unresolved shit. I promised David that i would let this go and move on but maybe it is not the healthiest thing to do . Maybe it is not too late to turn back around and maybe i have already arrived at his house.
I knocked at his door and right as i did, he opened them. He did not seem suprised
" Come in " he said but did not look me in the eyes. I walked in and sat on the living room couch , Zak took a seat  in a chair facing me. He looked like shit. This was going to be the conversation where we either fix it, or burn it to the ground.
"I know you are here to talk and get closure so you can leave....i cant have that June, i cant let you go or talk about my feelings"
" Why not" i asked
" I just cant, every time it comes out as anger and i have put enough of that on you. And you cant leave because you are great to work with, you get us to capture the craziest things and it is just not the same wit-"
"Then why even talk to me, if you cant stop being mad but want to keep me on the show?"
" June , its complicated and i cant ...i cant imagine you going away again and me having to forget everything.."
" Yes you can, Zak , you have done it plenty of times , including the party"
"I regret that "  he spoke softly
"Now please do tell me why have you been feeling so angry?"
" This feels like a therapy session"
"Maybe you need one"
" Fair enough... " he said and leaned forward. He was gathering the words and i let him take his time.
"i hate that you are happy without me, i feel screwed over,  so i guess subconciously i have been making you feel bad so i can fix it later and make you feel happy. "
" Thats reasonable but Zak i dont want that hot and cold shit anymore , i have changed, cant you see that?"
He came over and sat next to me
" I can see that... but you are still you "
" Of course i am, i just take less shit from people"
" I get that but June, cant you see that all i can think about is you. Noone compares or even makes me feel , but you do. "
" Zak it has been three years.."
" Maybe thats what fucks me up, three years of missing someone  and then you show up and you obviously dont want me anymore. Cant you see that it hurts? " he said and looked into my eyes, i could almost feel his every word.
" Zak i do want you , but i think that as i became a  healthier version of myself, you became worse, i cant stand to see you get drunk, emberass yourself and try to sleep with a random girl" i said frusterated.
" So if i were different, you would want to start over? "
" Maybe...maybe i still had hope of starting over till i saw you with her "
" But if i had come on to you like that, it would be different" he raised his eyebrow.
"Obviously, but what is done ,is done."
"So what now"  he asked
" I am leaving the GAC "i said and his face dropped.
" Please dont , i will do better, i will make it nicer for you , i will- " Zak stopped mid sentence to gather himself, a lump had gathered in his throat from emotions.  I could not help but to feel sorry for him, i cupped his face and made him look in my eyes. Some part of me stil cared a lot.
" Zak , it will be okay" i said. He leaned in , i heasitated and pulled back. He came even closer and i could feel his breath on my lips and his warmth. We sat like that for a second, just fantasising about what could be, but my patience was running thin. He pushed closer till our lips met slowly. He glided them over mine and pulled back , looking for signs of approval or rejection. I was blank, i was in an emotional tornado. He pulled in again and kissed me softer and longer, i responded with the same. We both sat back and and looked at each other.

The kiss felt like a dissapointing first bite of a burger, where you bite just the bread. It felt like re- watching a childhood movie you loved but now find it to be boring and lame. It was dissapointing or maybe it was just the wrong enviroment and wrong time. Zaks lips tasted like poision , sweet but destructive. Of course , i must mention that my heart stopped and dropped to the bottom of my chest, i still had feelings, there was no doubt about that. This was now a battle between mind and heart.
" So? "  Zak asked , trying to read my face.
"Why do you have to complicate things? As if things were not hard enough Zak.." i said
" So just tell me then, tell me you felt nothing so i can move on!" He spoke softly.
After a long pause, i managed to get the words over my lips..
" I felt nothing ... you need to move on now. " i said in a cold tone
" You are lying, i know it"  he said and burried his face in his palms.
" I wish i was, i really do but we are beyond repair and this cannot go on. Zak i am leaving GAC, you wont change my mind.  " i said. His face changed from sadness ,to a cold stare.
" Then go, but if you do, there is no turning back...Once you walk out that door, its done and then its all been for nothing! " he said and i stood up. He was in disbelief, almost in denial about me leaving.
"I m sorry, goodbye Zak, i wish you the best"  i said and headed for the door. How i wish that those were the last words i had said to him...
" Fuck that, i hate you! After everything i have done for you, everything i went through, all this time i spent on you and now you just walk out on me? Fuck the well wishes, i hope you get what you deserve'" he said and raised his voice as he followed me to the door . It was pure anger but thats what insecure men do when they cant deal, they scream and destroy. I turned around to face him , my blood boiled now. The audacity of this man.
" How dare you ? Well okay, fuck you too, i hope you are never loved again !" I said and instantly wanted to take it back, it was a bit too much..
" You are such a bitch!" He laughed in my face
" The fuck did you just call me?" I asked him, now returning the same psychotic energy he was giving me.
" You are a crazy, manipulative, self obsessed, cold hearted bitch!" He spat through his teeth. I never realised how ugly he could get.
" Oh i m sorry , mr Bagans, i didnt realise that you are so fragile and insecure that you cant even be a bigger person and say goodbye on good terms. You are a pathetic little man. I feel sorry for you" i laughed in his face.
" Get the fuck out !" He screamed and punched a wall next to me . I actually got scared.  And so i did, i just left . It was tempting to look back, to spit something back ,but i never did, i got back in my car and just drove. This was the end and i was glad to see that what he had become was not for me. Truly i was not going to miss out on anything good, he is fragile and violent. I hope he heals , i hope he grows.
I came to a stop on an empty 7/11 parking lot. It was dark already , i had been driving for hours, trying to process everyrhing but i still stand by my decition. This was never going to work, it felt wrong and ruined. Maybe in another life. The tears kept creeping up on me , but i refused to cry because of him, i had cried enough in the past years. Not anymore, not for him. This was a painful ending ,but it also meant a new beggining for me. Also for him, i hope. But yet i wonder if he had approached me on the night of the party, maybe...no. It all would have come crashing down anyways. Or maybe not, god knows.

Now comes the messy part, wrapping up my life that was GAC and starting fresh. But first, i need a drink and a smoke. Hoping to find good company i headed to Aarons house.

○♡○♡○♡○♡

Hey guys, if you are reading this - wow, you have stuck around for 50 chapters! I really appreaciate every one of my readers and would like to apologise for the big pauses in between chapters. I promise nothing ,but i will try writing more on my days off! And again, thank you for reading and stick around for upcoming....things.... possibly spicy scenes... byeeee♡