You made walking easy

Forgiveness Doesn't Fix Mistrust P2.

MAYA POV

I've been working with Diane on forming a way of talking to Alex. Alex now answers me when I need her to but there's no space for deviating off of that. She'll avoid me if she can. In the last two weeks I've been able to drive again. It doesn't put a lot of strain on my back, and I can do it if I'm careful when moving back into my wheelchair. I'm at Alex' soccer training, Diane said it'd be good to carry on the routine from before the crash and make the injury just something to not focus on. Which is what I've done.

When practice is done, I roll myself over to the team and wait for Alex to get all of her stuff together. "I haven't seen you here Maya for a few weeks. Is everything okay at home?" Miss Price asks as if she cares. "Yes I had an injury" I say shortly. "Ah so you're injured, I bet the reason you're suddenly so angry is because your wife isn't putting out" She says, what is wrong with this woman? "I really don't need this today. Please leave me alone while I wait for my daughter" I say as I wheel away a little bit but she follows me. "Are you the reason why Alex has been more aggressive on the pitch? We've been wanting to see that for a while" she says while bending down so her face isn't far away from my face.

"Miss price please get the fuck away from her and stop acting like some whore on the street. She has a wife and a family. And she sure as hell wouldn't throw that away for you." Alex says while shoving her out the way. "Alex I should report you for using that language towards me" Miss Price says seriously.

"No, she and I should report you for sexual harassment" Alex says before signally for us to get going. Once we've wheeled away I stop her. "I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for everything. Do you mind if we go for a drive again?" I ask and she nods while putting her soccer boots in the car along with helping me with the wheelchair.

-

The car ride was silent which was expected. But we ended up back at my old track. Last time we were here, we really got to talk about things so it's nice to be back. We go onto the starting line and both sit on the floor.

"Look Alex, I brought you here because this is where I used to come to escape and think. I wanted to take you here for us to talk in a free space where no one around us knows we're here, where you can say whatever you want and it doesn't leave this stadium. Okay?" I say and she nods.

"Can you talk me through how you're feeling? This is a no judgement zone okay? Let's face it, you could literally run away with my wheelchair and I'd be sitting here for the rest of my life" I say and she smiles slightly while picking at the sole of her shoe.

"I'm angry okay! I finally had the family; I didn't know I needed. I finally had parents who truly loved me but now it feels like I've lost one. You got injured and that sucks for you, but the day you came home and began scaring Evie and talking back to everyone was the day I felt like I'd lost you. We were always the closer ones and suddenly you were gone. I couldn't talk to you about anything that has gone on in my life." She says with tears forming in her eyes as she rattles it out in one breathe.

"Alex, you can be angry. I'd want to kill me if I was in your place. I am working on my anger and redirecting it to something that isn't people. I feel like I lost me too when I came home, I was angry at myself. I still am so angry because I shouldn't have been injured. I always try to make it home so that I don't hurt any of you but I hurt myself and in turn it hurt you guys. And I hated myself, I hated myself for worrying you guys and not being able to comfort you while I was in surgery or at the fire. I hated the fact that when I called Carina you were in a full-blown anxiety and stress related trance that only I could break you out of before Kai helped you. I hate that I scared Evie, she runs away when she sees me, she doesn't look at me. When you told me I should go back to being dead to the world, you found the words I had been feeling. It made sense." I say while she continues to pick at her shoes and I play with the house keys in my hand.

"How are you redirecting it though? Normally you'd run until you'd collapse. That's what you did before didn't you? I hate seeing you hurt and that's why I got angry. I got angry because I could hear Mama mutter under her breathe that you don't love her anymore, I could hear Evie getting confused about why mommy didn't want to read her a bedtime story. I could hear myself thinking that I've lost one of the very few people who I've ever loved and the first person to make me feel loved." She says while sobbing and I pull her towards me. I lean myself against my wheelchair while rubbing slow comforting circles on her back.

"Alex, I'm sorry for that. I am working on getting back. I want to make you feel loved again, I'd do anything to go back and stop the anger. But I can't go back, which is why I want to work on the now and work on fixing the past" I say and she nods slightly. "I love you Alex, that never changed for me. I know I didn't show it and that's where I went wrong. Just please give me a chance to try and fix it, even if it means buying you all the chocolate in the world, or watching those God-awful High School Musical movies again, or having us both sit down with Diane and talking things through. Just let me try and fix our relationship before it's too late" I plead.

"I'm sorry for not listening to you the first time. I'm really hurt about the last few weeks. I am up for all of those things you listed though. I want to fix this too" She says quietly and I nod with a smile, she wants to fix this.

"Okay Alex, shall we make our way back. I didn't tell Mama that I'd be here with you for an hour and she will literally kill me when we walk in" I say with a smile and she smiles too.

-

"Bella where the hell were you? And why did both of you have your phones off?" Carina screeches as soon as we come through the front door.

"Babe wait, I'm sorry for not texting you. My phone died but I went back to the track with Alex and talked about things. She's willing to work with me to fix our relationship" I say with a smile.

"I swear to God, if it wasn't for the kids, you would be dead on the floor right now" she says with an angry voice but a grin on her face. "I'm sorry okay. Is that lasagne I smell? I should probably get going so that I can have some before Alex eats it all" I say with a smile on my face.

-

It's a few days later and it's time for me to talk to Evie.

"Evie can you come here please?" I ask and she walks into the room holding the panda toy I won Carina on our first day that we later gave her.

"Can you come sit here. I want to talk to you okay?" she nods slightly and sits next to me on the sofa.

"I want to say sorry to you. I've been angry haven't I?" I say to Evie and she nods her head and strokes the head of the panda.

"I'm sorry for being angry. I want to say why I was angry, okay. When I hurt myself mommy got angry because I shouldn't have gotten hurt. See, I want to be safe for you, Alex, and mama but I couldn't and I got angry. I'm sorry for taking that anger out on you and missing our bedtime stories." I say as she looks up at me with glassy doe eyes. "Can you tell mommy what you're feeling about this"

"I'm upset. You didn't love me or mama. Mama would cry and Alex would punch the wall. I didn't feel safe" she says quietly while looking away.

"I'm sorry I made you feel like that.. because my little Evie should never feel like mommy doesn't like or love her. I really upset mama didn't I? That was really stupid of me, wasn't it! But I have had a bit of a talk with mama about fixing what I've done wrong and how I can fix it. And guess what" I say and she snaps her head up waiting for me to reveal "Mama has made me do laundry for the whole month which means I have to wash everyone's smelly panties!" I say as I slightly tickle her sides and she laughs. "I love you baby, I'm sorry for hurting you but I don't want to do that anymore, okay?" I say and she nods. "I love you too mommy" She says as she leans into me. I have my little baby back.

-

Carina comes in and sees Evie asleep on me, since we've been sat here for a good hour and a bit. Carina winks at me and smiles large. "How did it go Bella; I don't think I even need to ask that" She says to me.

"Yeah I think I've had a very good talk with the little one. I'll still try and fix it with actions but I think I'm on the way back to her forgiving me" I say with a big smile on my face. "It's nice to see you happy" Carina replies.

"Now, I have a meeting with Diane in ten minutes and I'd really like it if you and Alex could join me" I say and she nods and calls Alex down.