You made walking easy

Oh, That Makes Sense!

MAYA POV

Just before meeting Carina, I started talking to a therapist who used to be a firefighter. It was a way for me to share my thoughts on fires, my life with my dad and just every area of my life which had something to do with firefighting. We lost touch when I was in my wheelchair but I've booked a new meeting to catch up. I want to start going again quite regularly now that Carina is pregnant. I'm overjoyed by the pregnancy but I know that now that I have a kid on the way, my mental health really has to be the healthiest it ever could be. Afterall, I don't want to turn into my dad.

Today is my first meeting and I'm quite excited to share what's happened since we've last spoke. The last time I talked to her, was when I was still in a wheelchair and well now I'm married!

-

"So Maya, we haven't talked in a while. How have you been?" Diane asked me

"I've been pretty good. Since my accident I've gotten married, we've got a kid on the way, and now I'm chief too. I can't complain" I reply.

"Wow, a lot has happened and it sounds pretty positive. Do you have any thoughts about these things?" Diane asks me

"Since I found out that my wife, Carina is pregnant. I've been thinking a lot about the relationship I have with my parents and how I wouldn't want that to repeat. I've got quite a lot of anxiety about turning into my dad and becoming toxic and abusive. I've also been worried about my mental health; I've been good with communicating except from one situation where I ran away and ended up collapsing." I reply. I've learnt the hard way that being truthful in therapy is the only way to receive help.

"Can you explain why you ran away? Where did you run to?" She asks... she's great at questions.

"I-uh... this was before I was engaged to Carina, well actually earlier that day. You see I wanted to talk to Carina's brother who also is a doctor. I wanted his permission purely for myself not for Carina, she's not a fan of the whole concept. So, I planned to meet him at the hospital which did happen. We were discussing the ring I had bought, since I was showing it to him. While showing the ring to Carina's brother, Carina interrupted me. I-uh... she pulled me into a medical supply closet where she questioned me and I don't know what happened. I just ran until I couldn't. I think I was so in my head that I didn't realise how long or where I had run too since just before I collapsed I realised I had arrived just outside my childhood home. I still don't know why I ran there. Anyway, so my brother ran up to me before I collapsed, before I knew it I was on the sofa in my house with Carina talking to my brother before consoling me. I think I had a panic attack because I ran but Carina coached me through it and I calmed down after a while. We spoke for a while and by the end of the night we were engaged." I say nervously while making eye contact with Diane. I've gotten pretty good at eye contact when I feel emotional.

"Okay so you ran because you couldn't handle the situation? Do you think you ran to your childhood home asking for permission similarly to asking Carina's brother? We know the childhood you had with your dad; do you think maybe you subconsciously wanted to get the 'okay' from him?" Diane asks

"I never thought of it that way but it does make sense. I haven't seen my dad since he was in hospital and I am okay with that. Yeah I think I couldn't handle the situation because it wasn't perfect. I had ideas for how I'd ask Carina to marry me and in a medical supply closet really wasn't in that plan. I saw Carina focus on the ring and I didn't know what to do. We both know that I like things to be organised and in a particular way coinciding with a plan, and this wasn't sticking to it. I don't think I could handle. Looking at recent events it sounds stupid, I mean I'm going to have kids and I don't think a plan really works out when it comes to them" I say more confidently than before.