You made walking easy

Grief Part 1

EVIE POV

Mommy has been really sad for the last two weeks. She has been downstairs running and not talking to mama or Aly. She talks to me but she is different to normal. I want to do something to make her happy but every picture I have drawn, she doesn't like. She puts them in a pile and leaves them alone, she used to put them on the fridge.

Aly has been busy with school. She tried talking to mommy but she didn't want to talk back. Even mama has tried talking to mom but she doesn't want to talk. Mama said that it's okay because mommy is allowed to feel sad or angry. I don't want her to feel that.

MAYA POV

These two weeks I've been able to run about 180 miles, dad would be proud. I just... this is how I'm dealing with it. I know I'm not really eating; Carina keeps looking at me when we have dinner. Evie keeps drawing pictures and I love them but I just can't express any love for them out loud. I know she's upset by it, but I just can't control my emotions or words enough to try and fix what I've broken.

I know Aly has been avoiding me, she doesn't want me to lose it and be angry at her. I don't think I could even muster up the strength or power to react in such a way. When I rarely go upstairs, I hear her talking to her friends about the things Kai has been teaching her. Kai has surprisingly started showing an artistic side, and Aly has been learning from it. Aly sounds so excited about it all.

Carina has been really confused, and I know that I've caused it. Not purposefully, it's just that everything that would help me usually just really doesn't help anymore. The only time I see her is when we eat or sleep. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't run away, well no I have but not without telling Carina. I've been visiting the old stadium where I used to train for my dad. It's been a weird relaxing thing for me, the only thing that will soothe me.

As soon as I put those studs on my feet and hit the red tarmac, I feel at home. I can always hear my dad speaking to me as I run. Lap after lap, I can see him at the finish line clapping and telling me what part of me is wrong and needs to be approved on. Today, I left home at around 4 am and went straight to the track. I can't use the treadmill anymore; the running doesn't feel good or have a purpose. It's now starting to get dark and I am nowhere near ready to stop running. Sure, my legs feel numb and like jelly. But they are still working and that means I can still run.

-

It's been another 2 hours and honestly, I haven't stopped. I'm on the final corner before the last straight and I think I've officially tired myself out for the day. As I hit the last straight, I see a group of people silently watching me. When I reach the finish line, I throw myself on the floor trying to catch my breath.

"Maya that's enough. Let's take you home okay?" Amelia says, taking my attention away from the starry sky. I can't answer as I am still heaving as I breathe.

"big sis, you need to get home. Carina is at home and Evie is almost inconsolable, she misses her mommy. You need to start talking" Mason says, it still doesn't motivate me to move.

"Mom, I know you're suffering but I need you back. I know running is your thing, and none of us will take that away from you. But this isn't healthy, there are other ways of dealing with it. Let us help you mom" Alex whispers as they start to pull me up. "Let's go home okay?" Amelia says as they start to support me to her car.

-

I'm really feeling how much I've ran; I can hardly move my legs which obviously constricts a lot of movement. The car ride was silent, I think I dissociated the whole time. Again, Amelia and Mason helped me to the front door.

"Mommy" I hear a small voice in front of me.

"Hi baby, come here" I say as I drop to the floor. A stampede of small steps speed towards me before stopping in front of me. "I'm sorry I haven't put any of your pictures on the fridge. Shall we do that tonight?" I ask as Evie's eyes start to fill with tears. "Yes mommy" She says as she wraps her arms around my neck.

"Hi beautiful, I'm sorry I've been gone" I say as my attention switches to the dark haired, Italian waiting outside the kitchen for me.

"Don't apologise Bella, I'm happy you're home" She says before walking into the kitchen.

-

About an hour later, we all made our way into the living room. I had a bit of help since my legs seem to no longer support me. Carina has been staying away a bit, I don't really know why; maybe because the usual things she does to soothe me aren't working. Kai joined us a while ago and has been talking to Alex about an apprenticeship thing at an art publication company in Seattle, which Mason works at part time. Evie, now happy is just playing with a fire truck toy and driving it around a makeshift track Alex had helped build.

Amelia and Carina have been talking about work and how they're working on a complicated case where Addison is needed to do some type of surgery on a fetus, as Amelia does brain surgery on the mom and Carina has to do some type of uterus procedure as well. I haven't really spoken this whole time; I've been watching and analysing Carina's facial expressions and I think smiling.

"Come here" I whisper as Carina finally catches my staring. She slightly nods, I can see Amelia smile. As soon as Carina is in reach, I pull her down to my lap. "I'm sorry for not talking, angel" I whisper and wrap my arms around her waist. I slightly see a smile appear on Carina's face before she carries on with her the conversation she was having.