Colby Brock x male reader.<3

chapter 29- can't loose you.

⚠️TW SUICIDE/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS! IF THIS IS A SENSITIVE TOPIC DO NOT READ, SKIP THIS CHAPTER.⚠️
It's been about a week sense all of that happened and everything has been ok sense that. I feel safer now that Scott got arrested and I've been getting better at pretending I'm better so the guys don't worry about me.
Me and Colby have decided to have a movie night at my place tonight.
I'm sitting here at home alone now that i dont have to be under their care anymore and even tho i try my best not to, the bad thoughts start to appear.
Sometimes i stop and think about life and realize how fucked up i am that the good things about living are the hardest to remember in these times. Something in my brain makes me forget everything in that moment where I'm at a low. Its kinda scary because sometimes i don't realize that it's happening until it's too late.. i don't get why I'm like this i mean i have the best family, and amazing brother, boyfriend, life even but i just can't seem to be happy..
When i think about life the traumatic events seem to come to my mind faster than anything else. Not even just the big traumas, the most insignificant ones always appear in some moment. Like when i was body shamed as a kid and lost my friends. Even those seem to be more present than the good memories.
I'm just so tired.. wich makes no sense because i don't do shit but it's not just the physical tiredness, it's the emotional one too. It's like every day is the same cycle, i wake up feel numb and sleep.
I hate to say that I'm alone because I'm not alone i have people in my life that at least say they care about me but i don't know why i still feel lonely.. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. It's the type of feeling that destroys you from inside slowly everyday.
I can't take it anymore, no matter how much i cut myself no matter how much i suffer it's never enough to make the pain stop. I'm so tired. I don't think i can keep living much longer.. it's just too much.
I should just end it. That way i wouldn't able to feel anything. I could finally have a break from this.
I get up and decide to take a shower. While I'm in there i keep thinking about it.. i could do it right now i mean people would probably thank me later.
I change into some comfortable clothes and lay down.
I stare at the ceiling for a bit debating whether of not to do it. If i did it no one would ever need to worry about me ever again..
Im so deep into those thoughts that my grip on reality slips and i get my razor. I cut myself over and over again one cut deeper than the other and just continue laying down waiting for everything to stop.
The pain from the cuts brings me a bit back to reality and i realize what I've done. Shit. shit! Why did i do it? I didn't mean to actually do it, did i? Shit Colby is gonna be here literally any minute now he can't see me like this! I get up and grab some tissues and start trying to clean up the blood. I sit down at my bathroom floor crying and panicking while trying to clean everything up. Soon i pass out thanks to the loss of blood.
COLBYS POV:
I get to y/ns place and park the car. I let him know I'm outside but he doesn't awnser so i walk up to his front door and knock on it. Everything is silent witch for some reason makes me worry.
"Y/n? You here?"
I have a spare key of their place they gave me after what happened to him the first time i caught Scott being abusive to him i case there's an emergency. I don't know tho i mean would i be invading his privacy?
What if something happened tho? He was in the hospital like a week ago he's still not 100%
Fuck it, I'm gonna check in him.
"Ok, I'm coming in!" I say.
I walk around the house and he's not here so i go to his room and see a bloody razor on his bed and the bathroom light on.
Shit. Shitshitshit what did he do?!
I run over the the bathroom and see him passed out with a bunch of bloody tissues covering his arm and some tossed to the side around him.
"NO NO NO NO y/n wake up! This isn't funny y/n wake up please! -i say between sobs.- i can't loose you!"
I get my phone and call an 911. After that i call Sam and leave the call on speaker waiting for him to pick up as i hold y/n in my arms.
"Y/n please wake up i need you! I can't do this without you please i love you so much! Please y/n don't do this!"
"Hey Colby what's up?" Sam says as he awnsers the call.
"Sam I'm at y/ns place right now i need help! I called 911 already there are people coming to save him but i don't know what to do!"
"What happened? Is everything ok?"
"No! Y/n t-, tried to fucking kill himself nothing's ok! He's bleeding Sam! What do i do?"
There's a moment of silence after i say that because i think he's processing what i just said, but not too long later he speaks again.
"What did he do? Did he cut himself?!"
"Yes."
"SHIT! Ok I'm on my way! Put pressure on the cuts i heard that helps!"
"Ok! I'm gonna hang up now but come here please. -i hang up and go back to y/n.- why did you have to de this?! This wasn't supposed to happen! We were supposed to have gotten married and grow old together! We were meant to have more time.. please don't let go I'm here with you. I love you so much."
I hear the ambulance coming. They get y/n, i go in the back of the ambulance with them and we head to the hospital.
I text Sam the hospital location and he head there too.
We get there and they send y/n to a room right away so they can take care of him.
I wait at the waiting room for Sam to get here while crying.
Sam gets here and as soon as I see him he comes running up to me and gives me a hug.
"What happened? Is he ok? Is he alive?" He asks.
"I don't know they just took him in.. i found him like that in his bathroom floor.."
We both talk a bit about what happened just so Sam understands the situation then we wait a couple of hours waiting for updates.
"Hi, are you two here for y/n golbach?" This nurse asks.
"Yes! Yes we are. Is he ok?"
"We're happy to inform you that he is alive. It was good you found him when you did so he didn't bleed out. He still lost quite some blood and we're not sure when he's gonna wake up. However we will stich some of the deeper cuts up. The others we will help them heal but there's no need for stiches in all of them."
"Ok, so he's gonna be ok?" Sam asks with a bit of relief in his voice.
"Yes. He's most likely going to be fine."
"Thank god! Do you know when we're gonna be able to see him?"
"Probably in a few hours, what i recommend is that you two go home, shower and rest then come back here tomorrow to see him."
"Ok but if anything happens call me ok?"
"Yes, we will make sure to call Incase anything happens. But right now you can rest knowing that he's on good hands."
We go home and change, me and Sam spend the night awake not being able to sleep because we're so worried.