Senior Year

Chapter Nine

MAYBE FRIENDS
POV: Apollo

I saw Haven as I drove down the street. The ambulances caught my attention. When I looked out of interest my eyes met with out of all peoples, Haven's. She looked frazzled. Her shirt and the ends of her dark hair were soaked. Even from afar I could see the panic written all over her face. I could even see the thin sheet of sweat on her forehead that her baby hairs stuck to.

I didn't know what came over me, but I came to a screeching halt and did the fastest U-turn anyone has ever seen. I pulled in front of her house and ran over to her when she began fighting with the officers. I felt the need to protect her in this frantic state.

I played off being her boyfriend. I didn't know what happened, but I knew it wouldn't be good if she went to jail.

Hayden needed a push before he began to play with Holden and Cade. Haven brought in sandwiches for them before stepping out again. She was again pale and looking ill. I still have no idea what the hell happened. All I know is that I have to be here for these boys and Haven.

I snuck away from the boys as they ate to find Haven in the hallway bathroom, balled up next to the tub that was filled with water. As soon as she noticed my presence her shoulders tensed. I leaned on the threshold for support. "Do you mind telling me what happened?" I ask then immediately change the tone of my voice to the best lighthearted voice I can muster up. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I say, scratching the back of my neck.

She sighs looking down at her thighs that are pulled up to her chest. "I think my aunt tried to kill herself. I had to pull her out of the tub and give her CPR. I don't even know how to do CPR!" She says, throwing her hands up. "I think she's going to be okay, but it was scary. You know?" She says, looking at me through her long lashes.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," I say, pulling my hands in my hoodie pocket, cold for the chills that ran up my spine. "Something like that happened to me too," I admit. I take a seat on the ground across from her.

She looks up at me with widened eyes. "Really?" She asks with a frown etched on her face.

"Yeah, it was my cousin. I guess he was depressed for a while. I let him move in with me when my Aunt kicked him out for smoking weed. One night when I got back from practice it was oddly silent. I checked in his room, next to mine, he wasn't there, but on his pillow was a handwritten letter. A goodbye letter left for me to find. I called the cops and later that night a cop knocked on our door," I took a deep breath to force myself to finish. "He stood in front of a train."

Haven covers her mouth. Her eyes become wet. "That's awful," she says, blinking away the tears.

The side of my lips turns up in a forced smile. "It's okay," I say, shaking my head. I hated talking about it. About that night in middle school. After that night I was never the same.

"Why is this life so shitty?" Haven says, breaking the silence that we sat in for a moment. "The world is so messed up." She rests her head in her hands.

"It's not the world. It's the people. Our brains." The world was in every way perfect to me. The waves of the ocean hit the rocks on the shore perfectly. The wind rushing through the trees created the perfect sound. It's the people on the planet that are tainted. Our brains are what messed us up. Depression, sadness, anger, love, addiction: all of that added to our downfall

"You might be right," she says, fiddling with her fingers. "But good people still die. It doesn't matter what you do in life. We all die in the end. Even if our brain is fucked up or not." Although I thought the same, I didn't want her to think the same. Haven seemed like a good girl. Even if she's gotten into fights it doesn't mean she wasn't in any way bad. In a weird way I wanted to have a good outlook on life. It just didn't feel right for a girl like her to think the way I do.

"We might die in the end, but life is so much more than that. What we do in life matters," I try to act if I'm not spewing bullshit. "Do you really think that what your little brother and cousins do in life doesn't matter? Not one bit?" I ask.

Haven goes quiet for a minute. "What they do in life matters, even if it only matters to me." Her eyes become glossy again. "Why did you pull over? Why did you calm me down?" She asks, looking at me. Her chocolate eyes pour into me, softening me up like butter.

"I-I don't know," I say, stuttering like an idiot. "I just had to know if you were okay." Her eyebrows furrow.

"Why?" She asks. Her voice is crackly like pop rocks. She's on the verge of bursting out into tears. I do well under pressure, but I hated when people cried. I hated when people showed that they were vulnerable. I was taught at a young age that a man doesn't cry. If I wanted to be successful then I had to hold it in and never break. The last time I cried was at Jeremy's funeral. Even then my dad nudged me to stop my tears.

"Because I've seen that look before," I say resting my head against the cabinet behind me. "The look of giving up." I saw that look in Jeremy before he died. I saw that look in myself after he died. The look of defeat. Haven nods her head once before diverting her eyes to the tub filled with cold water. I stand to my feet and pull the drain. "Get out of here and go see your family."

"Thank you, Apollo," she says tilting her lips up into a smile. I give her a grin of my own before she disappears out of the bathroom. While the water drains I scoop all the pills that were sprawled out onto the floor, into the toilet. I hold down the handle until the white pills flow down the drain.

When I finish making the bathroom spotless, laughter can be heard coming from the boys' room. Haven's laughter. That makes a real smile form on my face. It even meets my eyes. The bathroom went back to being a childs. Step stool to the sink, Paw Patrol curtain, and toothbrushes. If you saw it you'd never imagine what happened in the tub. The only thing you would think was that a fish was flushed down the toilet after kids forgot to feed it. Nothing gruesome like a mother trying to end her life.

Haven told me that her uncle is going to stay the night at the hospital and come home in the morning. She also mentioned her aunt going to rehab. I told her that only good things would happen after that. She told me she didn't know, but hoped for the best. When the boys settled down for sleep, I said goodnight to them. Haven looked relieved that the night was over.

She walked me to the door. "Thank you for staying. I really needed help. I think I would have broken under pressure if you weren't here," she says with a gleam in her eyes.

"It's no big deal," I say looking down at my Nike shoes. "You're a really good sister and cousin."Her cheeks redden.

"Thank you. Have a good night," Haven says with a small smile on her face.

"I'll see you around, Haven."

"Don't be a stranger, Apollo."