Sunsets: Loving You; My Escape

Capitulum 2

"You have depression." I have what?

"Oh? I thought I have this thing called being my father's disappointment?" I said, she just shook her head.

"Amariah," she said in a warned tone.

"Kidding." I said she she sighed deeply.

"Until now ginagambala ka pa rin ng mga panaginip mo?"

"Yes," I plainly answered.

"Mag kwento ka pa kung ano nararamdaman mo."

"There's a random voice inside my head saying it's not worth it anymore. I can't cry, I feel like there are no tears I can shed. I was already trapped in a misery, darkness, pain, and suffering." I said straight through her eyes without any blinking.

"The reason why I'm still here dahil sa dalawa kong kapatid, I'm afraid na baka matulad sila sa akin, for them I can bear it at isa pa gusto ko rin matawag akong anak ng tatay ko."

"May nakakapagkwentuhan ka ba tungkol sa nararamdaman mo? Like friends?

"I have two trusted friends, but I don't want to bother them, and I'm not getting used to talking about my feelings, I always neglect what I feel inside." I said

"How about your father?"

"I would love to kill myself right away."

Bumuntong hininga siya at tumingin sa akin.

"I just want you to know that your feelings are valid, don't worry everything you said it's just only me and you." I nodded and smile.

"So, balik ka uli sa susunod para matignan natin ang progress." Tumayo na kami at nakipag kamay. Lumabas na ako at pumunta sa sasakyan ko, depression, huh.

Papasok na ako sa loob nang makita ko siya sa sala habang nagbabasa ng newspaper.

"Saan ka galing?" he asked without glancing at me.

"Diyan lang po."

"Kailan ka pa natutong mag lihim?" tinignan ko lang siya, pagod ako at wala akong gana makipagtalo.

"Hindi ka sasagot?"

"Wala na kayong control sa kung ano ang gusto kong gawin."

"At ngayon sumasagot kana, kailan ka pa naging ganiyan?" kumunot kilay ko.

"Hindi mo na nga nagagawa ang gusto ko nagiging ganiyan ka pa? Wala akong pinalaking walang modo!" tumaas na ang boses niya pero tinignan ko lang siya, umalis na ako sa harap niya pero agad niya akong hinawakan.

"At ngayon kailan ka pa natutong talikuran ako!" hindi ko pa rin siya sinasagot.

"Ayaw mong sumagot!" naramdaman kong may dumapo na kamay sa pisngi ko at may nalasahan akong dugo. Nanlaki naman ang mata niya at agad akong binitawan. Umakyat ako sa hagdan na parang wala lang at pumasok sa kwarto. Umupo ako sa higaan at kinuha ang karton ng sigarilyo sa bedside ko. Kumuha ako ng isa at sinindihan. This is how I cope my problems, unhealthy right? But I don't care. I open my music and a random song play.

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape

Every puff of the cigarettes gently calmed my system, I closed my eyes and lean the back of my head against the wall.

I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down

Somehow, I can relate from every lyrics.

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace

Mistake? All my life all I do was to obey him. Isn't enough?

I cried out heaven save me (save me)
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say

That line hits me, It sucks that you are already drowning at the same time you can't ask for any help.

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down, I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me

So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me for you and me

Naka tatlong stick na pala ako agad, hindi ko napansin.

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe

My eyes are still closed and savoring what I feel inside.

Nakita kong umilaw ang screen ng phone ko.

Alagad ni riz ganda

reeseinpeace: Hoy dalawang alipin tara labas tayo!

hntihvn: gusto mong lumabas? punta ka sa labas edi nakalabas kana

reeseinpeace: Korni ng joke mo, libing mo na 'yan😛

Amszxmbngezx
Ang iingay niyo.

reeseinpeace: Tara mareng ams labas tayo secret lang natin huwag natin isama si havenbano😚✊

hntihvn: Kunware wala akong nabasa at hindi ka tanga😶🤔

Amszxmbngezx
Fine, kita tayo.

hntihvn: count me in🦖

reeseinpeace: good job mga alipinz, see yah sa as usual😇✊

Ang ku-kulit talaga, binaba ko na ang phone ko at lumabas ng kwarto, pagkababa ko ng hagdan buti walang tao.

Pumunta na 'ko sa motor ko at nag maneho, ilang minuto nakarating na rin ako sa mall pag ka pasok ko nakita ko agad sila.

"Amsss!!!" she extend her arms at tumakbo pa punta sa akin, nagtinginan naman mga tao.

"Layo! ang ingay mo maraming nakatingin oh."

"Okay lang, gusto mo mag make out pa tayo sa harapan nila e."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya, pasmado talaga kahit kailan.

"Joke lang, alam ko naman na mas diretso ka pa sa daanan." napailing nalang ako

"Where's Haven?"

"Ayun oh." Turo niya sa National Bookstore, pumasok kaming dalawa at nag tingin tingin na rin ako. Sa pag iikot ikot ko someone's caught my attention, I saw a girl na hirap abutin ang nasa taas at tumitingkayad na siya, I chuckled, cute. Lumapit ako at inabot sa kaniya.

"Here, Miss." I said but she's not glancing at me.

"Salamat," sabi niya at umalis bigla, that voice seems so familiar.

"Tulala ka nanaman." I heard Haven, pumunta na kami sa counter para mag bayad. Pagkatapos namin bumili marami kaming ginawa, nag sine, arcade at kumain, malapit na mag gabi nang matapos kami.

"Take care mga alipin ko." Sabi ni Reese bago sumakay sa kotse niya, we nodded, sumakay na rin si Haven sa kotse niya at ako sa motor ko.

I can't get rid of her voice in my head.