Step Into the Light

chapter 40

"And it was like slow motion, standing there in my party dress. In red lipstick with no one to impress"

NAOMI'S 17TH BIRTHDAY

Hey Naomi let's cut the cake!" Amber says suddenly appearing at my side.

I'm standing on my patio outside of my house.

I was trying to be alone and away from the party inside.

"Can we just wait a little longer please? He's gonna be here soon." I ask trying to cover up the disappointment in my voice.

"Mi you and I both know if he's already late he's not gonna show. Just get over it. It's been three and half hours already."

"I know but-"

"Come on! Let's go inside and we can finally do cake and presents!"

"Nate said he would come Amber. He promised. Maybe he had a family emergency and just needed some time." I reason.

"Don't you think he would've called to let you know if something serious happened?" She raises her brow in suspicion.

"I mean... Maybe..."

"Has he even called you today? Texted? Anything at all?"

"No... But we talked last night-"

"Just please get over this so we can go inside, eat cake, open presents, and leave." She finally says before she suddenly disappears back inside.

I continue standing outside.

Feeling alone.

After I let a few tears shed, I wipe them away, and walk through the door with a smile on my face.

More like a mask.

My "friends" surround me as I walk inside.

Some of them are asking me about cake and presents, and some are asking me where my boyfriend is.

The hell if I know.

The only person here who is really my friend is Amber.

But at that, she's only my friend because she has a crush on Blake. She gets so annoyed by me most of the time.

Everyone else is here because they're friends with Nate and feel like they have to be friends with me then too.

That's why they keep asking where he is.

It's my birthday, but they only care about him.

I reluctantly open my gifts which consist of nothing I enjoy. Because they know absolutely nothing about me to know what I'd want.

After presents I sit at the table with a cake in front of me possessing seventeen candles on it. Everyone sings around me as they act their asses off pretending that they care, and don't just want free food.

As I blow out the small fire sticks there is a knock at my door.

I finally feel a small sense of happiness as I rush up from my seat and head to the door.

I open it to see Nate.

"Happy birthday." He smiles plainly.

He walks in and gives me a half hug.

"Thanks." I say as he hands me a tin box. "What's this?"

"Open it." He instructs with grin.

I open the tin box to find brownies.

"I know you love chocolate."

"Nate, these have walnuts in them." I state.

"And... Is that supposed to mean something?" He laughs even though my face clearly shows my annoyance.

"Nate, I'm allergic."

"Oops, sorry. I'll just give them to the guys. Are they here?"

As if on cue, all of his guy friends come in the entry room at once and surround him.

They all hype him up and I just stand there.

We eventually all go to the family room and hang out.

Nate and I sit next to each other on the couch as he dominates the conversation as always. As he's telling stories and jokes all of "our" friends laugh and agree with whatever he says.

He's the kind of person people just say "yes" to.

We stay like this for a while, him leading conversations acting like this is his house, his party. I try to do the smallest things like join the conversation, or make a joke and I just get stared at like I'm a child interrupting an adult conversation.

And we're all the same age.

Nate even joins them with the staring.

I don't know why he gives me such a hard time. Doesn't he see that I'm trying to be good enough for him?

I try holding his hand a few times but he doesn't let that happen.

At one point he whispered in my ear to stop rather harshly.

After one more attempt at joining the chat, Nate asked if I could speak to him privately.

He grabbed my arm and walked me into the bathroom.

"Why are you trying to embarrass me in front of my friends?" He whispers angrily.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't meaning to. I just-"

"You're just being so fucking annoying like, can't you just let me have a nice time? Is that too much to ask?"

"Nate, I'm sorry I just-"

"Is it?" He asks scolding me.

"No."

I can't help the tears welling in my eyes I look down at my feet to hide them.

"Of fucking course. The waterworks. See, I was having a fucking nice night before all this bullshit. I'm just gonna go home."

It took him no time at all to leave me by myself.

One of the worst parts about it is that the next day at school he was trying to make out with me in the halls amd pretend none of this happened. Then when we were alone with no one to show off in front of, he said how much I disappointed him last night.

I tried making it up to him by writing him a song, but as always he talked about all the things I needed to change about it. Like how I needed a better vocal coach because I didn't to the high note well. Or how my writing is that of a seven year old. Or how my chord progressions were boring and my melodies were dull.

Why do I even try at this point?

No one sees this side of him except for me.

I guess I'm just lucky like that.

Is it too much to ask for him to tell me I'm good enough?

That he's proud of me?

That he cares about me?

That he loves me?

Will I ever feel that sense of adoration from someone? Anyone?