Lovers Not Without Sin | Dutch van der Linde x OC

Epilogue II

Dutch's POV

It's not that the book in his hands doesn't interest him, it's just that the head lying comfortably on his lap steals his attention even while asleep. Dutch runs the back of his knuckle over Ada's cheek, noting how her fingers twitch in response as they're curled around his thigh. The sofa in the main room is one of their favourite spots, as it gets the last of the sun's rays in the evening and provides an optimum view of the sunset through the large window.

This is Dutch's favourite way to spend his time. Somehow, those 'nothing days' where no notable events occur are those that he finds the most peace and solace in; where he and Ada can just be together and relax without concerning themselves with the outside world. When it gets quiet, his mind wanders to her and it's not lost on him how lucky he is to even have her in his arms. That period of his life where she was gone harboured some of his darkest days.

It'd only been ten days.

Sleep hadn't come easy to Dutch since Ada's disappearance. He hadn't wanted to, didn't enjoy drinking copious amounts of alcohol, but it was the only way he could force himself to rest. He could almost sympathize with Swanson now and could see the allure of the morphine that'd trapped the man in his own mind. But Dutch's mind was tumultuous enough, and he daren't prod that beast.

Bile had been lodged in his throat since the moment he returned on that dastardly day, entering his own camp as a failure that can't even keep someone safe. But it isn't just someone, is it? It's that one who Dutch's mind refuses to forget, no matter how many times he tries. All he can think of now is why he wanted to forget her in the first place. Was it her history with the Pinkertons? Her lack of interest in all things fancy? The fact that she truly didn't seem impressed by him one bit? Nothing Dutch did caught her attention, except...

No, he can't think about that right now.

Dutch sat on the stump that looked out over the lake, picking at the dirt from underneath his fingernails just so he could have something to do. He'd been out of camp for most of the day, searching for any whispers on the whereabouts of any O'Driscoll camps and coming up short yet again.

He expected his initial return to camp to spark an argument with Hosea, and Dutch knew he was the one at fault, his thoughts telling him that Hosea doubted his ability as a leader and blamed him entirely; of course, Dutch had reacted outwardly (and unfairly) in an expectant response to the pending bickering but his closest friend hadn't uttered a single one of those words. Hosea had looked at him with only sympathy, and he's thankful that the man is as perceptive as he is to pick up on the feelings Dutch shares with Ada so he can understand how much it pains him at that moment without the need for an explanation.

It didn't just pain Dutch, though. While Ada voices her opinions and shows her presence loudly, the things that she does in quiet are what truly define her character, and Dutch hadn't noticed them until they were no more. It was when the horses had grown agitated without Ada giving them all extra love and attention, or when the array of clothes that needed mending had already begun piling up, or when the empty bottles from the previous night's drinking were still strewed about the following morning. He'd even noticed the donations box looked messy, the notes weren't stacked and sorted like they usually were. All things he now knows happened at Ada's hand. All things his ignorant eyes had never made him aware of before. Even aside from the pleasure her body provides or the thoughts her words provoke in his mind, her existence was invaluable with all that she provided. Is invaluable. Because she is alive.

The sob of a small child in his mother's arms a few metres away reminds him of perhaps the biggest sting of all. Dutch clears his throat, getting Abigail's attention and nodding his head for her to come over. She does, and the new bags developing under her eyes are a sorry sight to see.