butterflies. | Ashtray X Fem

42.| the worst thing that could happen.

42.| the worst thing that could happen.

i wake up to a random stumbling in the room, i shoot up into a sitting position to see ashtray on the floor.

"oh my god, where have you been?" i slide off the bed over to him.

"out." he groans getting up. the smell of alcohol was leaving his body like nobodies business. was i mad? yes very actually..

"out where? you could've called me, you had me worried sick ash." i help him onto the opposite bed.

"doesn't fucking matter caye now get the fuck off of me." ashtray shoves me roughly and i fall back a bit catching myself.

"what the fuck, ashtray, what's your problem?!" i state at him shocked, he didn't seem or look himself.

"your just so fucking annoying, all you ever do is fucking think about yourself is it so hard to believe i got tired of you and your bullshit so i went to go chill the fuck out?!" he was staring dead at me raising his voice a bit.

" lower your voice please." i sit down on the other bed gulping.

"lower my fucking voice? your a piece of shit." ashtray pointed at me harshly. what's his problem? all of the sudden i was this and that.

"let me be a piece of shit, that's fine." i shrug just sitting there shocked. i knew no matter what i said it would trigger something new.

" you see what your fucking problem is?!, your actually like mentally fucked up." ashtray laughed getting off the bed with a stumble. he began wobbling back to the door.

"no, your not leaving, you can't, not the way your feeling right now." i grab onto his hand really not wanting him to leave.

"fuck you." ashtray pushed me off which led to me crashing into the mirror. i just sat there with a sharp pain in my back. i tried not to react, i tried not to cry and i succeeded as he just stood there staring at me.

"you know what, your so fucking self obsessed you never care to think about my feelings or how other people are doing in life, it's always about poor caye, the bitch who lost her parents and now everyone is suppose to feel so fucking bad, you know what i haven't even got a fucking thank you, a thank you for saving your stupid sorry ass, if it wasn't for me some old guys dick would've been shoved so far up your ass god who knows where you would've been." and with that he slammed the door leaving, i tried reassuring myself id be okay and there was no need to cry, i tried to pretend he didn't even say anything like that to me, but he did, and shit was that hard to block out, so of course the tears just flew out, without my consent really. i just sat there on the carpeted floor with my head in my knee's endlessly crying as his words continued to repeat over and over again, it's like the feeling of when you overthink about a situation with a person, and you expect that person to prove your overthinking wrong but they really just agree with you.. like yeah you already knew that but damn you had to tell me that it wasn't just me and it's actually true. i just turned around the see not a crack in the mirror. i see my make up fading away. i looked terrible. i slowly got up, my back stung. i walked over to my things grabbing out a hoodie and sweats. i walked over to the bathroom ready for a nice long shower.

*time skip to after the 1 hour shower.*

i finally got out the bathroom comfortable in the navy hoodie and grey sweats. ashtray wasn't back, i don't know why some part of me expected him to be but he wasn't. i just sat there worried to my guts, something was telling me that something was wrong, and that i should be worried. i grabbed my phone to see 10+ calls from a unknown number. i quickly pressed on it calling back.

you guys should know how these calls work.

"hello?!"

"hello, is this caye**** (just pick your last name cause i don't know custers last name.)"

"uh yeah, yes."

"hi, this is a nurse amelia from miami hospital, i am so sorry to inform you but we have a patient beneath the name ashtray o'neil and he has been involved in a serious incident and we were able to figure out you were his emergency contact so we just wanted to inform you that we do have the patient in custody and if you'd like to come by it is completely open to you, once again we are truly sorry."

and with that i immediately hung up. i sat there frozen tears flooding down my face again until i realized i needed to be there, i immediately slid on some sneakers and left the room, placing in the name of the hospital and it directed me towards it. i ran for my life, all i could think about was the fact that, that could've seriously been my last moment with ashtray, and i didn't want it to be, i wanted to hear him tell me he loved me, i wanted him to realize he messed up and own up to what he's done.. i wanted to hear him once more even if it would be my last time, i didn't want to think this way, i really didn't. but i had no choice but to assume the worse, id rather keep my hopes down then lift them up knowing damn well im in a life or death situation. i eventually reached the glass building running in and heading for the front desk.

"hello miss can i-" i didn't care what this nurse had to say i need to see my baby.

"ashtray o'neil, im here to see fucking ashtray o'neil." i had been sobbing and the nurse seemed concerned.

"follow me." she immediately seemed sympathetic, it made me feel terrible. she rushed through the rooms as i followed her, the tears didn't stop, not once. we reached a room "8A" once she opened the door, i saw, the once angry, healthy, intoxicated ashtray, connected to an oxygen machine, needles hooked to his arm and chest, his face completely bloody, a cast around his arm, and his body completely bruised. i rushed over to him continuing to cry.

"oh my god ash." i flew to my knees by his side as the nurse stood at the door. my mind couldn't focus on anything else but him.

"baby please answer me." i held onto his hand tightly. i couldn't lose him. not him, anyone but him.

"ashtray please baby." i sobbed into his arm now. praying to the man above i rarely ever believed in. i can't lose this kid, no one understands us or why i continue to be around him after everything he's done, but he isnt the dark kid everyone thinks he is, he is so much more then that. a huge gasp came from him as his eyes widened. i got up cupping his face.

"ash are you okay?" i continue crying as he just stares at
me, a sense of relief on his face. he's okay.

A/N: updated for you sexy people, ive lost so much motivation in writing but im trying, let's thank Raiders1964 for the idea because she seriously saved me, ilysm bae, n ily guys xoxo - jaylene.