I See Colors | Taegi

fifty-two

"I don't mean to sound nosy,
   but are you gay?"

Yoongi asks me this only two seconds
after he closed the music room door.

That simple question
makes me panic
for a long amount of time,
considering me.

It isn't just that I'm worried
that Yoongi will be disgusted and leave,
but it's also the fact that
I don't really know.

I've been pushing it away for so long,
even though it's clear that
I like Yoongi
a lot.

Yoongi gives a brief smile
before walking to the piano.

"I'm going to practice
while you think,
if that's okay."

I nod and
pastel keys soon play through my ears
as I stare at the closed door.

This is
the exact reason
why I like Yoongi.

He isn't afraid
to let loose
and talk about random things.
But at the same time
he's also very structured,
and it always feels like there's multiple thoughts
in his mind
that he's just not telling anyone.

He's also not great
at school,
especially astronomy,
but he sort of tries.
Even though it's obvious
he doesn't really care.

"What is going on in your head,
Yoongi hyung?"

The music stops.

I just said that out loud
and Yoongi's now
chuckling next to me.

"Well,
I'm really considering going back out there
and showing them what the
"deep, pondering, mysterious blind guy"
can do to a guy's nose.
But I also know that
that's how I got expelled a few years back,
and I'd prefer to not have that happen again."

My eyebrows raise.
"You got expelled?"

"Well,
not exactly."
Yoongi crosses his arms.
"My parents moved me to another school
after I had gotten in massive trouble for punching a guy in the face.
I prefer saying I got expelled
since it's easier to say."

I can say for certain
that I did not expect Yoongi
to have hit someone before.

"Why did you hit him?"

"Self defense."
He shrugs.
"He kept asking me dumb questions
and got way too close.
I told him to stop.
He didn't listen."

"That guy
who was talking to you like that earlier
really reminds me of him."

   "Sanghoon?"

   Yoongi hums. "I guess."

   It takes a few seconds
   for Yoongi to start playing the piano again.

   I listen to each note
   as they glow different colors
   more in my head
   than in my sight.

   "Yoongi hyung?"

   He immediately stops playing
   and looks at me.
   "Hm?"

   I glance at the white wooden door.
   "Do you ever wonder
what it's like to see colors?"

I stare at the door for a few seconds
to prepare myself
to look back at Yoongi.

When I do,
he's staring at the ground
and I can properly see
his short eyelashes.

   "Colors have always
   interested me,"
   Yoongi says,
   "When I was younger,
   I practically begged my parents to get me
   glasses to help me see colors.
   I thought that I could only see
   a restricted version of the world,
   and thought it was unfair."

   "Now,
   I've realized that
   I'm lucky to be able to see the world at all.
   Despite having the rarest,
   and possibly one of the most unlucky
   forms of colorblindness,
   all that really does
   is turn everything grey.
   Nothing else."

   "So,
   to properly answer your question,
   yes.
   But I don't want to see the world
   any other way
   from how I see it now."