I See Colors | Taegi

fourty-four

My dad and my sister
   are fighting in the kitchen
   because she admitted that
   her mind can't work with her anymore.

   Mom isn't home to stop the argument,
   and I have to be stuck in my room
   until I finish studying.

   Dad yells about money
   and how we aren't kings or queens
   that can get whatever they want.

   I can hear my sister cry and try to fight back
   through the door.

   I wonder what he would do
   if he knew that...

   I shake my head.
   Studying is more important.

But,
what if my sister never gets help?
What if she leaves?
What if our family falls apart after this?
What if what happened to Jungkook
happens to me?

I throw my pencil at the paper.
There's no way I can finish my homework
like this.

   Nothing like this happened when I was younger.
   Nobody argued like this.
   Everyone was happy.
   I couldn't tell the difference between
   copper and blood.

   Maybe my view was restricted.

Their voices are so loud
   that I only realize now
   that my phone is ringing.

   I grab it from my bedside counter
   and check the ID.

Yoon—

   I hit answer
   before I could finish reading his name.

   I want to hear a voice
   that isn't crying
   or yelling.

   I want to hear a voice
   that reminds me of when none of this
   was even a thought.

   "Tae?"

   I curl up on the chair
   and flinch when I hear a sound from outside
   that isn't a voice.

   "Yoongi?"

   "Are you okay?"
   His distant mumbling
   becomes aware of the moment.
   "You sound...
   not good."

   "I don't—"

   I pause
   when I hear a loud slam of a door.

   "...I don't know.
   I don't think so."

   "Are you in danger?"

"No."

"Hm..."

   Everything is silent.
   All the sounds from before
   echo across the house
like silent screams.

   "Say,
do you like photography?"

   I sit up slightly.
   "What?"

"Do you like taking photos?"

I'm surprised for a few moments.

Photography is one of my favorite things
in the world
besides astronomy.
   I used to take photos with my sister
   at the park,
   and that was one of the things I looked forward to
   every week.

Why is Yoongi asking?

"Yeah.
I do."

"Really?
You take photos?"

I bite my lip.
"That's right."

I hear Yoongi sigh
before humming.
"How about this:
You know the bookstore right by the school?"

"Yeah?"

"After school tomorrow, we can meet up there.
I'll bring my camera,
and we can spend the afternoon taking photos.
Are you busy tomorrow?"

I hum.
"I have to study."

"Then we won't take more than three hours.
Is that okay?"

I hesitate.
I haven't been out with friends
in such a long time.
I don't know anything about it.

"Yeah.
It's fine."

What if I get hurt?
What if something happens to Mom?
What if something happens to my sister?

But Yoongi will be there,
and I find myself drifting off in the conversation
and admiring his voice.