I See Colors | Taegi

seventeen

When I walk into history,
Hoseok is looking at me with a smile
and waves to me.

It's kind of uncomfortable
to have someone act like this
after three years
without any friendly smiles or laughs
from anyone.

My feet
guide me over to his table.

"Hi Taehyung!"

"...Hi."

I look at his hands
as they repeatedly hit the desk
and make soft thuds.

My mind
is trying to make me sit at my seat,
but my feet
refuse to move.

"I hardly got to talk to you last time."
He reminds me,
"I never see you in the cafeteria, either.
What's that about?"

"Um..."

My wrists turn
and I let my hands
attempt to shake off my nerves.

"I just...don't usually eat in the cafeteria."

I don't want to tell him
that I eat in the music room
with a boy who was interviewed
   and who's only really known for
   mixing up two distinct colors.

   "Oh really?
   Where do you eat?"

   That is why I don't respond.

   Hoseok thins his lips and looks down at his hands.
   "Okay... um..."

   Suddenly
   Hoseok snaps his fingers
   and looks up at me.

   "I remember
   during freshman year
   people would always talk about
   how good you are at drawing."

   I feel my face flush
   as the forgotten memory
   reveals itself
   like a flower
   blooming in spring.

   "It's kinda funny, actually."
   Hoseok adds,
   "Even some of the seniors
   had crushes on you.
   It's crazy how that all changed
   after a single question."

   I agree
   that it's crazy how many people
   can have lust for someone
   instead of love.

   "But anyways,"

   Hoseok swipes his hand
   as if he's swiping away
   the memories
   that are only going to
   come back and
   push us over.

   "I mentioned that
   because Jungkook
   is a really...really good artist.
   Like, he's like a saint or something.
   Give him a pencil
   and he will draw
   the most detailed yet abstract nose hole
   you have ever seen."

   I don't laugh
   since curiosity
   distracts me from that.

"Maybe you guys could bond over that
or something."

"...Why do you care so much?"

Hoseok gives me a bright heart smile
and holds my hand
gently,
but I can tell
that he's just trying to be
friendly.

"Because you're always alone, Taehyung."
Hoseok explained,
"Life shouldn't be spent that way!
It's fine if you just
prefer being alone,
but relationships
aren't about being with people all the time.
It's more special when
you rarely get to talk to them."

I pull my hand away from his.

Relationships
are a lot like
science.
We can observe them
and theorize them,
but there's always a chance
of them changing
or being
not what we thought.

   The teacher walks in
   before I can say anything.

I wave Hoseok goodbye
and sit down at my seat.

I wonder if Yoongi
thinks that talking to me
is special.