I See Colors | Taegi

twenty-seven

I walk down the school hallway
   on my way to gym.

   I try to pay more attention
   to the weight of my steps
   than to the voices around me.

   Yesterday,
   I took more research into synesthesia,
   and realized that a lot of the things I experience
   aren't normal.

   Seeing shapes and colors in music
   and associating numbers and letters with colors
   are also not normal.
   Deep down, I think I knew that,
   but it wasn't an instict that I could
   shape into words.

   I step into the basketball court
   that makes up the gym
   and see people walking laps,
   talking to each other
   and letting their voices
   echo around the room.

   I go into the boys locker room
   and put my bag on the wooden stool.
   It smells like nothing,
   which not even the hallway can pull off.

   As I close the door,
   I gasp as someone runs into me
   and wraps their arm around my shoulder.

   The late bell rings.

   "Taehyungie~!
   I was looking for you!
   I thought you wouldn't make it from math."

   I'm not sure if Hoseok's talking about the class
   or the walk
   since math is on the opposite side of the building.

   Hoseok grabs my wrist
   and takes me to the area
   where everyone is walking.

   "Jog."
   The coach reminds us
   without looking away from his computer.

   Hoseok follows his instruction,
   and I join him a moment after.

   "You didn't show up to lunch in three days.
   Why is that?"

Hoseok looks genuinely bothered,
and I realize that it must've been like
I ghosted them.

"I was hanging out with someone."

Hoseok gasps
then controls himself.

"Okay.
This can be one or two things."
Hoseok's face is stern
as if he was trying to figure out what logistics are.
"Either A:
You're skipping school.
But that's not a
"you"
thing to do."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Or B:
You're dating someone.
If so,
then I am proud of you
and am totally not bitter
at all."

Hoseok huffs
then looks at me with expectation.

"So,
which one is it?"

"Neither."

"Oh."

I hum.
"B was sort of close,
except it's a friend."

Hoseok frowns at me.

"Taehyungie.
You have looks that even God would drool over.
I'm not going to sit here and believe
that you're as single as me."

I shrug
and look at the moving floor.

I'm sorry to the people
whose expectations
I failed to meet.

"Can I meet this friend?"

A weird distaste fills my mouth when he asks that.

I imagine Hoseok in the music room
messing with its peace
and giving it a bad flavor.
Like chewing gum
and spitting it out.

I shake my head.
"No."

"Why not?"

"...Did you ever play any sports?"

I notice Hoseok's frown,
and though it makes me feel bad,
I don't think I'm ready to see
the music room's atmosphere change.