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Mɪɢᴜᴇʟ Gᴀʀᴄɪᴀ | 25: ʙᴏʀɴ ɪɴ Hᴏɴᴅᴜʀᴀs
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After working constantly, I finally have a work day. Being a neurologist is hard, especially having a child ontop of that.
Josiah was carried full term, and I did a natural birth. No epidural, no inducing, just pure pain.
Looking back at it,I really wish I took some sort of pain medication. The tearing, swelling, and discomfort was horrible. But atleast he was born a healthy baby.
Even during my pregnancy my cravings were so weird. Miguel had to buy mangos almost every day, and when I didn't have mangos I'd want strawberries.
Miguel is truly and amazing father and boyfriend. At first we obviously we're shocked by the news. Miguel was more scared for me than the fact that he got me pregnant.
Our family's already knew eachother but it was the fact that we weren't married that probably shocked them the most.
Regardless of that, everyone supported any decision I decide to make. I wanted to keep the baby because I was sure we were able to raise in a healthy and loving household.
Even if I choose to abort my baby, it would've been fine.
I look for Miguel and he's in the garage working out. He's usually playing some sort of mysic in Spanish or listening to my RNB playlist.
He wants to be like me soooo bad.
We met in college and i was suprised when he started to pursue me. He was more reserved then than he is now, but at the time there was a language barrier.
I dont tink he knew I was Dominican. My mom is Haiti and my father is Dominican. I know both Spanish and creole so it wasn't hard for me to understand him. But it was cute seeing him putting in the effort to try and communicate with me.
Unfortunately part of the mom duty is taking a shower because your baby esnted you to try out their new home made scent.
Baby formula and throw up.
Not a nice combination.
After giving birth to Joshiah, it left me with a lot of stretch marks, unwanted weigh, and bigger boobs. I look at myself throught the mirror in distaste.
My stomach has gotten much bigger from how I looked before. I wasn't exactly tiny before my pregnancy but the weight just pilled on and became too much.
I told my doctor and they said that post partum was common in new mothers. I can't help but wonder what Miguel might think of me sometimes.
Often times he compliments me and showers me in affection, but there's only so much he can do.
Maybe it's just me. I was told to write down my thoughts and feelings so it could stop them from being bottled up. I do it quite often.
I usually leave my notebook near my end table so it's easier for me to find. Miguel never pressures me to say anything to him and that's what worries me.
Does he think im too docile? Has he found someone else?
My eyes starts to pool with unshead tears, and Miguel walks in the bathroom.
He takes in my teary eyed appearance and the excitement in his eyes diminishes.
"What's wrong baby? Are you hurt? Did you fall?"
He checks around my body for any signs of bruises and stops when he can't find any. I hiccup and look at him.
"Miguel, do you still find me attractive?"
My voice let's out below a wisper, and he just stares at me. His eyes start to soften when he takes in my appearance.
"Baby. Siempre te encontraré atractivo. I'll always find you attractive. Do you feel comfortable enough to tell me why?"
I nod softly, looking at him.
"Giving birth to Joshiah is one of the most amazing things I've been able to do. But the after math is so hard to deal with. My body doesn't look the same at all. My stomach is bigger and has stretch marks, my boobs are huge, my ass is huge and I look like a rhino."
Tears fill my eyes as I look at my reflection in the mirror. His eyes trail over the parts of my body, which makes me feel even more sick.
"I can't say I understand how you feel, but just know that I am here. You're body held life Amara , there's nothing to be ashamed of. Whether you're 100 pounds or 500 pounds, I'd still live you the same. Plus, you're a cute rhino if that helps."
His hands move to cup my breasts but I move them in annoyance.
"Miguel. You knowI'm breastfeeding and my boobs are tender. I'd like to not leak right after my shower okay?"
He rolls his eyes before leaving the bathroom, not forgetting to make a grand exit.
"Well, Joshiah needs to know that I was actually the first to suck on them. So technically they're mine."
Rolling my eyes at his childish antics, iy really helps to cheer me up. We spend the rest of the day cuddling and playing with Joshiah, eating ice-cream, and ending it in eachothers arms.
