𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄 - ★彡[ᴋᴀᴍɪꜱᴀᴛᴏ ᴀʏᴀᴛᴏ]彡★

四十二 - 42

A shell. That's what I was. A shell of the person I had been in the days when I had been happy with Ayato. I was constantly, unbearingly reminded of that single fact every day of my life. Inadequate for being in the care of others, I constantly feel weighed down by the trivial idea that my existence was invaluable. I thought that nobody would take the hand of someone as lowly as myself, someone that only hurts those around them. Even if they did, I swore to myself that I wouldn't harm those around me ever again, so I would simply blow them off to avoid conflict. My naivety was baffling and the fact I had perceived myself as a prudent individual back then was even more such. Still, Ayato accompanied me without fail, staying by my side as much as he possibly could. For that, I was eternally grateful.

    Every night he would take me out on walks, accompanying me to wherever I wished to go with patient endurance and complacency. If I reached out my hand out of loneliness he would intertwine our fingers together and hold my hand tight.

    A couple of weeks passed with this routine. I'll skip all of the boring intermission of my developing feelings and summarize it up to them beginning to grow inside me once more as time passed on. How could one not fall in love with a handsome, kind, understanding man?

And so, the day came in which these feelings became too much to bear, so instead of facing them, I, like a coward, ran away. In the middle of the night I packed my bags and left the house, making sure to walk quietly and close the door as lightly as possible behind me. I didn't hear Ayato stir in his bedroom. It was time for me to go back to my bland and boring life and leave him behind. I simply believed that I wasn't good enough to receive any love from him.I left Ayaka a note on her desk to wish her well and copied down the same thing for Ayato. It was better to not give him any sort of grandiose farewell as it would only burden him.

    A part of me had most likely figured out that he would hear me waking up, but I simply shoved aside that thought in the moment. I was sure that if he asked me to stay behind with him I would without hesitation. The idea of being so susceptible to someone's words scared me, especially when he was bound to just leave me behind like everyone else.

    "(Y/n)!"

    When I heard his voice shout my name, I wasn't surprised. My shoulders slightly slumped in defeat and I turned around towards the direction in which he was coming from. Ayato was giving up any sort of stealth, running down the path towards me. His eyes were full of surprise, adrenaline, and hurt. It almost made me feel bad for leaving him.

    You can't trust them.

    I had to keep reminding myself of that simple truth. Everyone has left me behind, there simply isn't any redemption. Getting your hopes up or holding onto people only causes you to suffer.

    "Why are you running?" I inquired. "You knew I was going to leave eventually."

    I'll be damned if I get left behind again. The only way to make sure I don't is to have no one who can.