𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄 - ★彡[ᴋᴀᴍɪꜱᴀᴛᴏ ᴀʏᴀᴛᴏ]彡★

三十一 - 31

Ayato went to the Grand Narukami shrine the next day with a feeling of reluctance. It wasn't as if he exactly wanted to tank his plans for the day in order to visit this girl, but here he was.

He took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock on the red wood that faced him.

"Come in," the girl's voice called him before he could even knock, her tone as cold as ice.

He figured that Yae Miko had informed her of his visit which was the cause for her obvious disdain. Ayato couldn't say that he blamed her, considering how brash he had acted the day prior.

Ayato stepped into the room, muttering a brief 'pardon me.'

"Well, why are you here?" she raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't you think you've said enough?"

"I've come to apologize," Ayato spoke slowly, picking out his words as if he was taking honey from a beehive. "I shouldn't have said any of that stuff yesterday. It was incredibly rude as well as immature."
He paused and she stared at him as if to say 'is that all you have?'

An awkward silence filled the room.

Ayato knew he had to say something else, but for some reason the words fell flat on his throat.

"Thank you for your apology," she said after it was clear he wouldn't say anything else, "you've done what you wanted, so why don't you leave?"
"What was he like?" Ayato found himself asking. "The... other me."

"Are you asking this to make fun of me?"

"No, I'm genuinely curious. It could help us make amends, per say."

Another silence filled the room.

"The reason you came here wasn't because you wanted to make amends," she told him bitterly, "even if you think I'm an idiot, I can see that. Despite you not remembering me, I know your mannerisms."

Ayato felt a conflicted emotion stir up in his chest. By now it was obvious that she had previously been in his life yet he struggled to get a firm grasp on the situation. The idea that he had simply forgotten someone with this much significance was disturbing.

"I don't think you're a fool," Ayato stared at her, trying to convey his desperate emotions in his eyes. "I really wish I could remember you, (Y/n)."

Pain flashed through her eyes when he said her name– it was obvious that it struck a chord in her heart. 

"So could you please tell me what the old me was like and what he did?" he pressed on, trying to get her to give him more information. Anything would suffice as long as it gave him a clue to what was going on. "If it can help me remember, I'll-"

"It's easy to tell that you're lying to me," (Y/n) told him, folding her hands over her lap, "I know you well enough to see when you're lying. If you don't want me to soil your beloved reputation, then I won't."

Ayato found himself slightly surprised by her statement, yet the normal annoyance that would've formed in his chest at her obstinacy was gone. A warmth formed in his chest as his brain was practically forcing this emotion into him.

She's your savior. You must worship her.

(Y/n) was staring at him with confusion as his expression morphed into something full of agony. "Mr. Kamisato?"

Ayato couldn't move. No, that wasn't right. His body was moving on his own. His arms reached out for her, grabbing her shoulders and wrapping around them, bringing their bodies closer and closer together...

"My my, what do we have here?" a shrewd voice called out from the doorway, and Ayato snapped out of his trance. Yae Miko was standing there with a smile on her face, per usual. "I didn't call you here so that you could make love to her, you know– especially since she can't exactly refuse you right now."

"I wasn't–!" Ayato turned around to the girl to further emphasize his point, but the tips of her ears were bright red. "Why are you blushing?"

"I was just reminded of some... uh... things."

"My my, what sorts of things, Miss Shimoda?" Yae Miko (probably) meant no harm with that statement, yet her eyes immediately clouded over. It probably reminded the girl of her father.

Ayato took a deep breath and spoke, driving his full attention to her. "You said that you were in love with my past self, right?"

(Y/n) looked up in surprise but her gaze immediately receded back into its formality as quickly as it had come. "Yes."

"I know that this might be hard to believe," Ayato murmured, "but I think that I can remember the emotions I felt, although it feels as if a whole other person was experiencing them."
Yes, that was right.

He had known ever since the other day— this was the only conclusion he had come to.

When he saw her, the things that ran through his head, were not thoughts that one would have of their lover.

Looking at her now, those feelings were still surging through his chest. Ever since he had seen her at the Narukami Shrine, his body had instinctively been pulled towards her, to the point where it was out of the realm of something as mild as admiration or love.

This was nothing else but the feeling that a worshiper would have for a god.

Save her. Love her. She's the only thing in this world.

These thoughts were pounding all around his head, echoing to the point where they couldn't stop. It was horrible, and yet so cathartic. But the thoughts that tormented even more so were–

I owe my life to her. I will die for her. I will kill everyone for her.

He had spat such words of hatred and venom towards her, but they were not his own. The Kamisato Ayato of the past, the one who viewed this simple girl as a goddess, also hated her.

When he dug into these emotions he found unwanted memories burning in his head.

You should just die already.

Mother? No, it wasn't Mother that had said those words. Standing in the rain at this girl's service, Ayato's eyes were filled with tears. He clenched his fists.

You should just die already.

A love stemming from internal issues was fated to turn out bad in the end. His past self must have known that, and still chose to stick beside her, like a believer to a shrine.

"You were my savior," Ayato swallowed, regretting telling her the truth as soon as the words came out of his mouth, "I don't think my past self viewed you as his lover in the slightest."

Despite the slight quiver behind his words, there was absolutely no doubting that was the truth. He expected (Y/n) to lurch over and cry, to beg him to think again, or claim he was toying with her heart, however what she said next was not what he had expected in any realm of possibility.

"I already knew that," her lips twitched into a faint smile as she stared at him. "There's no way the old you would've associated with me in any close relation if that wasn't the case."

She knew.

All along, she had known.

"Kamisato Ayato," (Y/n) gave him a wry smile, "don't play me for a fool."

At that moment, she had seemed like an otherworldly being. 

Hey guys, 

Sorry for the lack of updates, had some issues regarding school. Love you all!

<3,

Wasabi