Keep Our Secrets

37

"Josh.." Mom picks up the paper, showing to Dad.

"I thought I could do something to help." Josh scratches the back of his neck.

"Could it work?" I ask. Dad looks over the paper, then sets it down and smiles at Bailey.

"I think so." Dads smile sends calm among all of us, and for the first time in a while, I feel Bailey breathe. She stands up and runs over to Josh, crushing him in a hug.

"Thank you." She leans her head on his shoulder.

"Anything for you Bales." He squeezes her back, closing his eyes. Not an ounce of jealousy runs through me. I know, deep deep down, that if something was to happen to me, Josh would be there.

Mom shuffles over and wraps her hands around Josh and Bailey, smiling ear to ear.

"You two." She sighs. They let go of each other, and mom grabs both of Baileys hands. "We will go first thing tomorrow. I will sign, and so will Kelly." Mom looks over at Dad, and he nods.

"We got your back kiddo." Dad chuckles.

"Thank you." Bailey wipes her face, and walks back to me. "Meet me outside?" She whispers.

"Of course." I smile.

I walk out onto the back porch, looking out at the back yard. The trees we used to play in still have all of our names carved in them. The old swing set that used to creak when we tried to all got on. The little bon fire spot where we would sit and talk for hours, sometimes until the sun started to come back up. The smell of incoming rain blowing through the trees, moving the swings back and forth. All of these years, of all of us growing up together, never once did I speak up. I knew what was happening. How she was being treated at home. I kept it from mom and dad, worried that they wouldn't do anything. All of her pain and agony could have ended a long time ago.

I felt like if I spoke up, she would have seen that I cared. That she would think i pitied her. I don't want her to see me weak. Her existence makes me...

I feel arms latch around my front, and the feeling of her beating chest against my back, her cheek pressed against my shoulder.

"I should have said something." I grip the edge of the railing, feeling rage within myself.

"About what?" She giggles. She stands there for a moment, noticing how serious I am. She lets go, making her way to stand next to me. "Jake?"

"I should have said something." I sigh. The anger has built itself up, making it impossible not to hold in anymore. "I'm so sorry." I lean my head into my hands, gripping my hair between my fingers.

"Jake." She pulls my hands away from my face, and I'm scared. The vulnerability. She's so strong all the time.

"No." I pull away from her, turning my face away. By now the tears are pouring out, making my face feel hot and scratchy.

"Jacob." She softly calls. I stand there, horrified. I feel the steps as she walks up to me, gently pulling on my arm. "Look at me Jacob." I give in. I finally give in. All the feelings and the words I never said. All of it. I give in.

She turns me around, and she just looks at me. She looks at me as if I'm the most beautiful thing in the world.

"You did nothing wrong." She holds my face in her small hands. "If you would have said something earlier, it would have been a lot worse. And if you would have said something sooner... we.." she leans her head onto mine. I can feel her breath on my lips, and I just want to.. "We, wouldn't be us." She lands her lips onto mine, and every thought and feeling I had flys out the window. Her bare touch feels like home and sanctuary. And when her lips meet mine, it feels like heaven. Though it was only seconds, it felt like a life time. She slightly moves back, but her hands still hold my face, wiping the hot tears away with her thumbs.

"Bailey." I hold onto her like she's going to dissolve. "I.." I stop myself. I can't. I can't say three words.

"I know." She smiles. "I know." She wraps her arms around me, keeping me down to earth, holding me where I belong.