an organized mess of redacted asmr

《 how he would react if you died 》

i'm sorry fluff lovers, mama's gotta feed her angst enthusiasts </3

ANGST! ANGST EVERYWHERE! 

NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE, IS SPARED

tw // death, unhealthy coping mechanisms, disordered eating, sleep deprivation, hallucinations(?), alcoholism, drunken violence

also i was right, i got caught up with an unfinished oneshot so i'll post that one last

—

- D.A.M.N boys -

{damien}

- he throws himself headfirst into his schoolwork. well, he tried to.

- his grades slip. he can't study. it reminds him too much of you.

- frustrated because he's beginning to fail, but the pain he feels when he tries to study by himself is just too much for him.

- he can almost see you beside him at his dining room table, laughing as you tease him about something silly.

- "always keeping me from working somehow. aren't you, freelancer?"

- ʚ♡ɞ -

{huxley}

- seems okay for the most part, but others can tell his head is somewhere else when he goes quiet.

- every saturday, he goes on a hike as usual. but he goes to your favorite spot.

- he sits and just... talks. like you're there listening. like you always did.

- he could've sworn he heard a faint echo of your laugh in the breeze, brushing across his face.

- "i hope whenever you are now is as beautiful as it is here, freelancer. i really do."

- ʚ♡ɞ -

{lasko}

- probably the most shaken by the news of your death.

- tries to be like damien and bury his grief in his counselor work, but it hurts too much to ignore.

- he sat hunched over his desk one night, just sobbing.

- he kept looking up, as if you would be there sitting across from him each time he did. 

- "freelancer, i... i-i-i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry!"

- ʚ♡ɞ -

{gavin}

- he doesn't feed. he has no motivation to.

- he tried getting up like normal once, but everything reminded him of you and it just... it hurt too much.

- refuses to get up because your bedsheets still smell like you.

 - if he squeezes his eyes shut and clutches a pillow tight enough, he can pretend it's you still in his arms.

- "i miss you more than life itself... my deviant."

- ʚ♡ɞ -

{caelum}

- doesn't understand, no matter how many times someone tries to explain it to him.

- convinced you'll come back to give him one last hug.

- he stays with gavin most nights because neither of them can stand the silence of your absence.