an organized mess of redacted asmr

《 i've had enough - oneshot 》

synopsis: it's been a year since 'it' happened, and freelancer is neck-deep in memories. luckily for them, gavin knows how to operate a cellphone.

tw // nightmares, magical allegory for assault, gaslighting, manipulation, kody being fucking icky, loss of bodily autonomy, victim blaming, self-degradation, thank god for emotional support elementals

a/n: hoooly hell, i did NOT expect to write this much–
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'drip, drip, drop, little april shower; what can compare to your beautiful sound?' 

his, of all voices, drawled in their mind. they could feel his warm breath creeping down their neck, his aura pushing in close to theirs, his eyes tracing the outline of their figure. they could even see that coy smirk that made them shrink into themselves. he always seemed to tower over them, despite being just a couple of inches taller.

the sky was dreary, like someone spilled black watercolor over the usual cheery blue. the air was damp, the cold beginning to bite at their fingertips as fog curled around their shoulders, all too similar to how his hands had done once.

"my, freelancer. you still can't get me out of your head, hm?" his voice taunted them. they hated how calm he always sounded. his voice was like a lulling stream guiding them to open water before the tide dragged them under, refusing to release them even as they thrashed to reach the surface.

even as they clamped their hands over their ears and squeezed their eyes shut as tightly as they possibly could, he was there. his belittling voice was still there.

"leave me alone!" they shouted fiercely, but the tears that sprung to their eyes betrayed them. 

"oh, but why else would you be thinking of me so often?" the fog swirled behind them, and they felt the weight of his hands baring down on their shoulders, his fingers digging into their skin. he twisted around to fully face them, that stupid fucking smirk on his lips, "could it be that your rather ... sour opinion of me has finally turned around?"

"or maybe.." he chuckled lowly. "you never thought badly of me in the first place." his words sunk deeply into their chest, constricting their lungs and threatening to suffocate them. there was a sick lilt to his voice, "sweet little freelancer could never hate anyone, could they?"

suddenly, he frowned. the twin pools of cobalt blue he called eyes lost the little bit of light retained within, instead swirling with something darker. something.. dangerous. something that made their stomach churn. he stepped forward, making them stumble backward cautiously. his aura grew, expanding rapidly and quickly overpowering them. he continued stalking toward them, but this time, they couldn't force their legs to move. 

'no, no, no-!' their mind screamed frantically.

as if in slow motion, he reached out to them, his smirk continuing to grow. his hand was just seconds away from brushing past their chest...

"freelancer?"

NO!

"freelancer, wake up!"

their eyes flew open with a quivering gasp, their heart racing a mile a minute. they scrambled up into a sitting position, sputtering out 'no, not again' repeatedly as hands held onto their shoulders.

"deviant, calm down- it's me."

gavin..

the only sound they could hear was their own heavy breathing and their heart pounding in their ears. after a moment of silence, they collapsed into the incubus's arms, their body suddenly heaving with shuddering sobs. gavin nearly toppled over with the sheer force of them crashing into him, but he held them steady. one hand was in their hair, pulling them close into him; the other was on their back, tracing comforting shapes into their skin. 

gavin would be lying if he said his heart wasn't aching in his chest as they wept into his arms. he could feel his heart contracting tightly with every broken sob they produced.