- January 4: 12:30
Hey Phil. Its been a few months since our last conversation. Its also been a month since your funeral. I miss you - DH
- January 10: 4:21
Mum came over today, she says I need to sort out the flat because apparently it's a mess. Ha. she doesn't know the meaning of the word mess. Your room is still the same as before, Lion is placed on your pillow, your books are still stacked. I wish you would reply. - DH
-January 16: 3:41
People are still commenting on your videos, saying how much they miss you. I don't know why but YouTube had gone quiet without you; it's not the same. My life isn't the same without you. - DH
-January 26: 01:00
I didn't marry her btw. My 'girlfriend'. I couldn't. I'm so sorry that I never saw how much you loved me. I'm sorry Phil. Its my fault that you're gone -DH
-January 30: 00:00
Happy birthday Phil! Pj came over today and so did Martyn, a few others too. I think they were comforting me more than anything but I was fine. I'm fine! I wore your Jake the dog jumper and might have eaten a bit of your cake... oops. - DH
-February 5: 06:11
I went to town today. I know right?! I haven't left the house for five months and it was strange. I had to find some old clothes since all mine are too big for me now, can't think why I'm hardly thin. I saw a pikachu plushy and got it for you, its in your room. I also met some subscribers which was a little strange considering I haven't made a video in forever, but they were nice. I wish you were there too though. -DH
-March 1: 12:04
Sorry I haven't texted you in a while dude. Ha, even if I say dude I still don't sound any less homosexual.
I remember when we first met, when I first watched your videos I would dream of your black hair and your blue eyes; sulking about how you'd never notice me. Strange isn't it just what can happen? -DH
-March 24: 03:15
I've been really lonely lately. My dad says that I should go out to pubs or something, meet new people ect. Whether she meant that as in find a new flat mate or love interest, I don't care about that, I just want you back -DH
-March 29: 02:04
I was thinking about when we kissed on the Manchester eye. I know we're supposed to forget about that because we were young and reckless, but I've only just realised that I still love you. I really miss you, I'm so so sorry for everything -DH
-April 28: 12:30
I was in hospital for a few weeks which is why I haven't texted you for a while. I just collapsed in your room, the doctors say I'm malnourished and need to eat more, I'm not even hungry! Those twats don't know what they're talking about. I was hoping you would've shown up with some Mc Donalds like last time I was there. Lets face it, hospital food sucks. -DH
-April 29: 09:18
Haha omg you won't guess what just happened, I just did a Phil! I was just walking to the shops and then a random old woman just smacked my arse! Like wtf who does that?! But once I got over my shock I started laughing hysterically because I though of you coming home and telling me your traumatic story and then I got sad and went home -DH
-May 11: 07:40
I wish I could hug you right now. -DH
-May 11: 07:43
I wish I could speak to you. -DH
-May 11: 07:47
I wish I could kiss you. -DH
-May 20: 01:01
I'm trying to be strong but recently it's been so hard. I'm trying not to sink back into my depression that u had before meeting you but I can't stay strong. I'll try though -DH
-May 25: 08:00
I was watching some anime today it wasn't the same without you though Phil. Do you think they'll ever bring back another Attack On Titan?? I hope so. MIKASA!!!! - DH
-May 27: 00:00
Goodnight Phil. I don't usually sleep tbh, I can't sleep. But goodnight never the less. <3 - DH
-May 28: 01:39
Omg I watched Sherlock again today because I was bored and it just made me want you to come back like he did. Although I don't think I could last three years like John did :( -DH
-May 28: 01:49
I might go to a restaurant today with Pj, I'll be looking out for my own Sherlock with a drawn on beard. Maybe cat whiskers instead though. I'll tell you how it goes! ^_^-DH
-May 28: 10:26
We're back from the restaurant! He's staying over for the night and cooking some sushi up for us. I've missed hanging out with him, he's made me happy for a few hours. The three of us were great friends weren't we?
We might watch some Winnie the Pooh :D -DH
-May 28: 11:00
Oh god we're drinking now! I haven't had a drink in months! I've forgotten what it's like to be drunk?? Pj is so funny though I'm crying of laughter, he's brilliant! -DH
-May 29: 05:06
Omg omg omg omg no no no no fuck -DH
-May 29: 05:07
We had ducking sex!- DH
-May 29: 05:07
*fucking. who the hell needs to say 'ducking'?!
Anyway we got too drunk we had sex oh my god Phil wHy I've never liked Pj in that way I'm so confused wtf!/£/?:/&/!&/-&1&:9 - DH
-May 29: 07:34
Pj just left. He seemed calm about it but idk. I hate myself. -DH
-July 30: 12:00
I went into the hospital again. I tried to kill myself basically. Apparently taking too many tablets is dangerous.
You're probably so disappointed in sorry Phil. I'm just so fucking useless now. I don't have a job, I don't have any friends anymore. I won't talk to my family. I don't have you. I'm better off dead. -DH
-August 2: 06:40
I visited your grave today. I brought Lion with me. I sung a little because I remember you saying you liked my singing. I hope you enjoyed it, I know I'm shit STOP LAUGHING YOU DWEEB -DH
-August 6: 03:09
I got invited to a party by Louise but I made an excuse. It seems I do still have people who care. Also I went back on my Twitter, Lord it's been months. It's a bit weird on there but not as bad as tumblr. It just made me more upset tbh. -DH
-October 7: 00:03
I lost my phone for a month only I would do that I was going crazy can you even comprehend the stress Phil?! It was more the fact I couldn't speak to you, I got bored. -DH
-October 28: 02:14
I cried myself to sleep last night. And the night before. My eyes are always so heavy. -DH
-November 12: 12:08
I made a YouTube video today be proud! I was just walking about everything that's happened I guess. It was nice to talk about everything. There were tears though which is really embarrassing like dude how unmanly is that?! Although I've never been the manliest out of the two of us. oh god I wish I could just be in your arms right now. Phil come back please. -DH
-December 25: 00:00
Merry Christmas Phil. Love you my angel <3 -DH
-December 25: 12:16
Christmas sure is lonely when you're not with anyone. Usually I go home to my family but not this year.
Everybody has a Christmas wish and I wish that you would be here with me this Christmas. -DH
-December 29: 05:18
I'm stood on a bridge right now. It's such a beautiful view. London is gorgeous.
I know you won't want this Phil but trust me, I would be a lot more happier dead and with you. Goodbye cruel world and hello Phil Lester.
I'll be back with my best friend forever. Lets hope it isn't too white in the afterlife, a little black wouldn't hurt.
See you soon Phillip. Love Dan Howell :) xx - DH
-???: ??:??
Hello again Dan ^-^ - PL
