Fix Me

Chapter 1.

A/N.

This story isn't about self-harm but there might be a few triggers, just a warning... I'll probably add warnings in those kinds of chapters. Thanks for reading :D

*****

I listened to my feet hit the sidewalk softly as I walked. I was moving as slowly as possible, my heart feeling heavier with each step. I forcefully swallowed the knot in my throat and looked up at the dark sky in an attempt to hold back my tears. It had gone dark as I spent the day at the park like I always did after school.

I used to rush home until I realised that it didn't make a difference. Whether I got home early or late or not at all, it was always the same.

I held my breath coming to a stop in front of our little white house. It looked well-taken care of on the outside despite the constant chaos on the inside.

It's okay...

I tried to reassure myself even though I knew it wasn't.

Maybe today will be different.

It was something I told myself every day, I should have known not to get my hopes up but I was trying to build up the courage to head inside. Biting my lip and taking hold of the knob, I turned it gently before trying to push the door open softly, but it creaked to my dismay.

"Hannah?" I heard my mother.

My heart began pounding in my chest as I slipped into the house. My hands shaking but I tried to hide that.

"Y-yeah." I shut the door.

"Where is my money?" I looked up as she staggered into the hallway, clearly very drunk again.

"Uh... I gave it to you last week." I replied cautiously.

"It's finished." She glared at me. "And so is our beer." She said.

"I... I don't have any more money." I said getting ready for the storm to break.

I had used the rest of the money from my weekend job to try to pay my school and buy some food for us.

"Gerald," I cringed as she called her boyfriend, "She says she used our money." My mother said as Gerald walked into the hallway.

My father had died three years ago. He had gotten massively drunk one evening and then drove with my mother and me in the car, she hadn't minded as she had been drunk too. He had driven over a bridge and into a lake. I had managed to get out and I tried to help them but they were both unconscious because they had smashed through the windshield, since my dad hit it first my mother only gotten some scratches from the glass and he was dead on impact. I hadn't known that at the time, it was just easier to pull her from the water.

She hated me more after he died. Before he died my parents would mostly just ignore me and yell at me, but after he died she always had men over that would beat me up at a snap of her fingers.

All I remember about my childhood was being told how worthless I was and how much of a mistake I was, a few smacks when my parents lost it. Now it was all of that and some broken ribs.

"Did she?" My mother had been with Gerald for four months.

"N-no." I stuttered.

"Are you calling her a liar?" I shook my head at his question, my eyes glancing by him to my mother as he advanced towards me. Maybe I should have stayed at the park... but it was dark and we did not live in the safest neighbourhood. "Then are you lying to me?!" I cried out as he slammed me against the door grabbing my neck.

"N-no." I coughed as I grabbed his wrist in a futile attempt to pry his hand away.

"So what happened to our money?" He asked squeezing my neck. I felt tears sting my eyes as my throat closed up, "Where is it?!" He shouted letting me go only to slam his fist into my face.

I slammed into the wall but before I could even begin to recover he punched into my abdomen. I fell onto my knees clutching my stomach and coughing as tears ran down my face.

"T-there's some under my mattress," I said.

It was my savings, for when we ran out of food - which we always did.

"She lied." Mom said.

"I'm sor -" I was cut off by another of Gerald's blows.

I shut my eyes sobbing and trying to block his attack as the punches and kicks came one after the other while I kept trying to apologise hoping it would make him stop. I wanted to die. I wished I would die.

-----

I woke up on the floor, still in the hallway beside the door and ran my eyes over the wall until they landed on the clock. It was almost four in the morning. I began to move but groaned at how much just trying to lift my hand hurt. I felt the dried blood on my face before placing my hand on the floor and then clenching my teeth tightly to keep from crying out at the pain as I pushed myself up slowly.

The house was quiet as I carefully staggered to my room and grabbed some clothing before heading to the bathroom. I looked at the shower dreading how the water would feel before I pushed the thought aside and began getting cleaned up.

Once finished, I walked back to my room and frowned seeing my mattress lifted, the money gone.

I adjusted the bed and then made some breakfast for my mother and Gerald before I grabbed my school bag. I had done my homework in the park, as I did every day to delay coming home.

The walk to school was as slow as the walk home had been the previous night, this time because my body hurt too badly to move any faster. I had my hood covering my head, my hair covering my face to hide the stolen black cut on the side of my face.

I didn't have any friends, partly because everyone thought I was completely weird and stayed away from me, and also because I ignored everyone in the beginning when they had attempted to talk to me until they gave up. Yeah, I got rude, weirdo status but it was better than having to answer 'Why do you wear your hair like that?', 'What happened to your face?' and 'What's on your wrists?' questions.

I had tried to kill myself, twice. The first time I was thirteen, my parent's words had gotten to my head and I absolutely hated myself, that hasn't changed. My father found me dozing off with gashes on my wrist and took me to the hospital in time. The second time was a year ago, I had ODed on the old antidepressants the doctor had given me when I was thirteen, I never took them consistently to begin with. Both times had just resulted in my parents being more furious at me.

I stared at my school as I finally reached it and let out a breath of relief. I loved school. It was my escape. I might have been a nobody but at least that's all I was to them.

*****

01/02/2021 I'm currently editing, if anyone re-reads this book and can remember it... is it better now? Lol.

Thank you for reading :) Please vote, comment and/or share?