Until forever ends

Epilogue

September 29, 2017

Dear everyone,

I'm sorry. Sorry you all had to go through this grief, again. I never wanted to let the rest of my addiction to get me this far. Sorry mom, Sebastian and even dad. You never got to know or help me recover. I am or was when you find this a drug addict. Jayden's death got me to use heavily again.

Jess, I'm sorry to break my promise to you. Jade (if you want) can come by. She can take cookies or help you bake them yourself. I know it won't be the same but it is something.

Lou, my dearest. You'll always be the one who made me feel alive. Please, accept all my books and my poetry. Never go as far as I did. You, you're so strong. Please for the love of god marry Maya, you guys are just perfection. I hope you can still enjoy yours and mine favourite bands. I love you so much and you're the reason I made it this far.

Hey may bae. I don't think you will ever forgive me. Not for this and not for the drugs. You tried and fought so hard for me. I don't think I can ever thank you enough for that. Don't. I'm begging you don't start again. It's not on me to tell you what to do. I mean look at what I did. But don't start again. It will hurt you more than heal or help. Keep fighting sweetheart. I love you.

Ry, don't you dare hurt Hails. I will hunt you down and terrorise you as a ghost. You will be an amazing dad. And no, you can't have my stash. I threw it out. You showed me the fun side of life again. How amazing life can be even when there are clouds in the sky. Hell you showed or taught me that even the clouds can be beautiful. I love you so much, you mean the world to me.

Tyler, I don't have much words for you. You are loved and accepted even when your dad doesn't show it. Brandon likes you a lot. I can tell, you guys would be a very cute together. I ship it. I love you as well and sending hugs.

Hayley and Jade, my sisters. Keep each other strong. I love you both even more than anyone in this world. You kept me alive when no one else did. You gave me reasons to live. But it's too late for me now. Jade, even when you act like you don't care about anyone. I know you do. Support hails through all of it. Please. And make sure Ryan doesn't fuck up the name of the baby. Hayley, you will get through this. That child is a blessing, not a curse. I will love both of you from afar. Sending hugs and kisses even though that will feel useless now.

I want all of you to understand that I didn't do this because of any of you. The drugs, the cuts and the loss of Jayden all became too much. There wasn't anything you could've done.

I'm sorry. I love you.

Goodbye,

Kyra Banks