Until forever ends

Seventeen

With the skateboard under my arm I walk into the house. "Morning babe!" The house smells like baked goods. Without even thinking about it I walk up to kiss Jay. "Hello princess." When he looks up at me his face changes. "Are you seriously high? Did you just go out to get high? You promised not to do drugs alone! Kyra damn it." He raises his voice and his face. God I can't stand his face. He looks so upset and disappointed. "Jay. It was the last one. One last time before I will stop. I swear I'm trying to get clean. I haven't even cut in two weeks and I've only been smoking joints for the past two weeks. I am doing better!" I defend myself. "Yeah! You have been smoking weed every freaking day. But you never lied about it until now!" "So why did you get so mad about today?!" "Because you lied to me! I thought you were going to be completely sober for once!" "Why would you even get your hopes up?" Jay shakes his head. "I really don't know what to say. You know that when you're high you could be forgetting not to do other drugs. Where is the rest?" My eyes roll as a I sigh. "In my backpack." He starts searching through it and taking all the drugs out of it. "Did you even go to the bookstore or was that a lie too?" His face cold and his lips pulled into a thin line. "I swear I was in the bookstore. I wouldn't lie to you. I was planning on going back here as soon." "What made you stop on the way home to get high?" "I wanted to throw it all out I swear Jayden!" "Baby what made you stop you to get high?" My voice starts trembling. "I found something in my pocket that set me off." He holds my hands together. "What was it?" He gets gentle and looks at me with concern. "It was an old razor blade. I. I hadn't been here in a while so I forgot it was still there." I start crying as Jay holds me to his chest. "so I rushed to the park. I wasn't sure what to do and before I realised I dropped it into the water." His hand let's go of my hands and checks both of them. "I swear I did not cut. Really! I did not do that." He leads me to the couch and gets me some water. Another question popped up. "Did you saw them? All of them?" "What do you mean?" "My scars. I know they're quite hidden but still. Did you see them?" "I don't need to see them yet if you do not want me to see them. I will love you regardless. No need to be worried. I will be here until forever ends." "Until forever ends." His lips feel soft against my cheek when he plants a kiss. And another one. Jayden starts making his way over my neck to my shoulder. "Show them when you're ready and I will turn them into a happy memory okay?" He whispers it into my ear before leaving a kiss there as well. My body freezes over. All the scars are bad memories, I can't combine one with a start that was positive or good. Or didn't do more damage in the end. Tears are rushing down again but thankfully Jay stopped kissing me. Every inch of my body is shaking and all I can do is cry. Cry until my lungs give out or let me die again. "Kyra. Breath with me." My chest feels tight and closed up. "You can do this. Focus on me. It is okay sweetheart. Deep breath in." He does it perfectly and I copy it with some messed up version. "It's okay. Let's try again." God even his breathing is perfection. Is there anything not perfect about him? Even his past trauma and pain. It made him better as a person. This time the copy of the breathing goes smoother and I feel my body easing back into a calmer state. "That's right. That's good. I'm going to put on a movie, if you get tired or need some time. Don't be afraid to ask it, okay?" "Sure." He puts the first lord of the ring movie on and I quickly doze off.

"Be ready at 6!" Jay shouts through the house. We played boardgames like an old married couple for the rest of the afternoon. That was until he out of the blue told me he had a surprise for me. "Is there a dress code?" I shout twice as loud back with a smirk on my face. "A pretty dress wouldn't hurt anyone." Jay stands in the hallway grinning like an idiot and I roll my eyes as an answer. My hands trail off through the closet and pick out a simple yet stunning summer dress. "You will look incredible in that." "You do realise I won't fuck you tonight right? Like I do not want to tonight. So keep your flattery to yourself." "I'm not flattering you, just being honest." "Hm." "I'm not going to deny that my girl is the hottest bitch in town and she's all mine." "Actually I'm also Lou's girlfriend." "Hm but only ours then. No one else's." I strip out of my clothes and pull the dress over my head. "Can you zip me up?" "Of course." His fingers feel cold against my back, like an ice cream on a hot day. "I'll leave the room now so you can get ready." "Alright." Quickly, before he leaves I press a kiss to his cheek.

The ride was barely fifteen minutes and now we're in one of the most extraordinary restaurants I've ever been in. "This place is stunning. How did you get reservations?" "Not difficult actually. But I reserved our table since about a week ago. And we're with just the two of us so that make it even easier. Too bad neither of us can order wine." "Even if we could. I wouldn't take it." Not even like he would let me have any alcohol. And I know why, every little thing that could make me forget not to use. And now I'm reminded of it. Tomorrow my body will truly feel the withdrawal. When my eyes go to my hands I can already see them shaking. "You alright?" "Huh? Oh yea totally fine!" a waiter comes to pick up our orders and bring the drinks. "To life and to everything it has to offer. And of course to the most gorgeous girl I have ever met." "To life and everything we overcame, are living through and to whatever hell the future has planned for us. And to you Jayden." We clink our glasses together and a chuckle leaves from both of us. When our food arrives we start eating. After we ate a bit I feel Jay his eyes pricking at me. When I look up I find him staring at me. "What?" "I love you, Kyra. you seem actually okay." "Because I am with you." A soft smile forms around his lips while he continues his eating. He thinks I'm peaceful, okay. But I feel like it's the calm before the storm. But that might be my own anxiety. The rest of the night is spend in comfort of each other. Neither of us are up for anything other than sleep. Let me rest and I will be ready for whatever hell is coming tomorrow.